Professional Moron

Dedicated to nonsensical absurdity since 1984.

In Praise of Child of Light.

on May 8, 2014
Aurora (the one with the hair), with her firefly friend. They looked whimsically towards a building. The building is not the Eiffel Tower.

Aurora (the one with the hair), with her firefly friend. They look whimsically towards a building. The building is not the Eiffel Tower.

Ubisoft’s Child of Light was “released” like a caged donkey last week, and it went braying into the gaming community on the Wii U, PlayStation, Xbox, and PC. You can pick it up for about a tenner, and we’re not converting this to whatever country you’re from. It’s cheap, okay? Let’s leave it at that. And for value for money you’re well on here. The game’s an RPG, and was noted for its beautiful artwork in the build up to release. Music is another key component, as always, in video games, and CoL delivers this in sheds. There’s a glovely piano soundtrack performed by Cœur de Pirate and her parrot Pepe, whom she stole off the notorious Blackbeard in 1712. Not that Blackbeard minded, of course, due to Pepe’s incessant habit of squawking “Blackbeard’s an ugly SOB!”, “Blackbeard’s only a pirate as he’s so stupid!”, and “Blackbeard actually dyes his beard as he’s going grey!” Blackbeard, fed up with the unpleasant feathery git, probably (possibly) might have given the bird away to Cœur . Who knows, this is merely conjecture. 

Still, it’s c’est fantasiqueulous as a game, with its inherent beauty, marvellous tinkling piano notes, and general enjoyment as an experience. It’s damn good fun: quirky, whimsical, stylish, weird, and a mixture of Rayman Origins meets Lost Winds. Which is a good thing indeed, we’ll have you know! Want to learn more? Click the link below, imbecile!

In Child of Light you ARE Aurora, a red headed maiden whom is stolen from her home. She must battle to return the sun, moon, and stars to take out the Queen of Night. You’re assisted in your quest by Rubella, an eccentric circus artiste, and Igniculus, a sort of firefly spark thing. He’s like Calcifer in Howl’s Moving Castle, or the bug from Okami. You get the drift? TOUGH! Here’s the UK trailer. The trailers from “other” nations are, you know, just as good but, you know, we’re British here at Professional Moron, dammit, and, by jove, we stick to our roots! All for one, and one for all!

Anyway, we urge all you games lunatics out there to give it a try. Why? As it’s great, different, and artistic. Frankly, we’re a bit disturbed, and fed up, of the relentlessly violent games which weigh down the games industry right now. Call of Duty, we’re looking at you. Child of Light is, like Super Mario 3D World released in November 2013, a breath of fresh cheese. It’s drifted across the gaming landscape with its excellence and has reminded us one doesn’t need a massive gun to have fun. And, no, we’re not being funny.

Ubisoft are to be congratulated for their efforts to alleviate us all from this artistically stunted shooty madness. SO! A break from mowing stuff down is excellent, and here’s a title which can introduce you to how great video games can be. Not swayed by our enthusing? Then you, sir/madam, stink of poo. If you’d like to know more, however, then head to the official website at Child of Light. Innit.


2 responses to “In Praise of Child of Light.

  1. Wow, this one looks so great! I really need to buy a WiiU soon…

    • Mr. Wapojif says:

      Indeed, madam, Child of Light is a quite lovely experience. Mildly melancholic, yet it manages to be most splendiferous simultaneously.

      The Wii U is groovy, I love it. It’s backward compatible with the Wii, of course, plus you can download old NES and SNES classics. So I’ve been on Super Mario Kart and Yoshi’s Island. Like the nerd I am! And I are proud!

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