Bees: The Good, The Bad, The Buzzy

A honey bee flying.

The simple fact is we need bees. No, we’re not drunk, we just need bees to survive.

Albert Einstein said so himself—the bee pollinates the pretty flowers and in the great big scheme of things keeps us all alive.

Is this really the case or was Einstein having one of his “moments”? We respect the man almightily—his immense genius and brilliance has never been in doubt.

However, we do feel his hair may have blocked his vision from time to time as, you know, the sun’s kind of handy in keeping us ticking.

Without the sun the bees aren’t even going to be alive to begin with. Nothing on this Earth would be—we’d be a bit like Jupiter or one of those other bleak landscapes disguised as planets.

But, behold, the sun is still there and so are the bees! So, we pay tribute to the bee! Hurray!

Bees in Reality

Bees are fairly easy to make out. They are black and yellow, make a really rather menacing buzzing noise, and they will sting you if you do something stupid towards them.

They’re cute, too. Just check out Hive Time. That’s a fun bee adventure! Even if that does gloss over the dangerous world the bees live in.

Why? Well, the the bee actually commits suicide by doing this as its entire rear departs with the sting leaving the top bit of the bee to await an imminent death.

Bees also make honey. Honey’s great, unless you’ve forgotten. It can be eaten on toast, by itself, or in a mug with certain teas.

Such as rooibis. Or lemon and ribena, which is a very good way to rid yourself of a cold. So is green tea, by the way.

One theory has it that drinking whiskey is another way to rid yourself of the snuffles, but frankly we just think this was made up by some drunk as an excuse to drink more alcohol.

There is always that moment of terror when a bee comes buzzing up close to you.

They’re somewhat fatuous, and occasionally belligerent, angrily hovering around you as they try to decide whether you’re a flower and if you need pollinating. Perhaps a simple, “Go away, please, honey bee!” would suffice.

Some people, however, show their utter bravery by going for an out-and-out headlong panic rush for their lives. Yes, they flee the honey bee.

They do so in morbid terror of a slight stinging sensation, whilst the bee dies if it completes its aggressive mission!

So who is the bravest of them all, the bumble bee willing to commit suicide for its colony and honey, or the terrified human worried about a little sting? All hail the bee!

At The Movies

Michael Caine and his bee friend console a sick child as part of a comedy double-act.

Bees have had a reasonably unsuccessful movie career. Playing on the mentioned terror they instil was Michael Caine’s 1978 flick The Swarm.

That was an attempt to cash in on the success of Jaws. The film, at almost two hours, is mind-crushingly awful, and unintentionally wooden and hilarious. At one point a child hallucinates a bee in his terrified phobic panic. Scary dary!

There’s also a brilliant scene in the Nic Cage version of The Wickerman in which Cage has some bees emptied into a sort of head container thing (his head being in it) and screams in horror: “Not the bees!” It’s really worth watching just for that.

In conclusion? Bees are really cool. That is all you need to know.

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