Fish & chips is the cornerstone of life in England. In fact, it wouldn’t be England unless there’s a chippy within 5ft of your person at all times.

This particular British idiosyncrasy may appear a touch odd to foreigners; “Just why do they regard this simplistic meal with such manic fervency?” they coo.

In a foreign accent, of course. Well the simple fact is we love fish and chips because it’s simple stodge, and in its simplicity it is homely and uncomplicated. Just the way some Brits like these things.

The Key Components of Fish & Chips

To celebrate this most excellent of meals we take an in depth look at the intricacies of making one of the most famous meals in the whole of the Universe!

What goes into that there meal? We reveal all.

The Fish

Fish are integral to Fish & Chips. Otherwise it would just be Chips. And that would be an incorrect order. Luckily most Fish & Chip shops remember to include fish with their order.

However, as the Earth’s oceans are being drained of fish by the fish hungry population of the globe, eventually we could run out. Alternatives will have to be thought up:

• Donkey and Chips
• Deep Fried Mars Bar and Chips
• Jam and Chips
• Pigeon and Chips
• Rat and Chips

Luckily, the list appears to be endless! But English people will stick to the traditional one for now.

Chips

These are made from frying potatoes in 1000 degree Celsius oil that, if you were to spill on yourself, would cause unending agony. Luckily we have robots to make the chips, these are known as chip shop owners.

These robots are designed by Microsoft and cost $1 million per “chef”. The potatoes are grown on enormous acres of land known as “farms”.

Farmers enjoy making potatoes as they don’t make noises, crap everywhere, and generally they can be controlled by the simple use of water.

Vinegar

This substance provides a sort of taste to the overall meal. It’s made out of salt, aspic, cheese, spirit vinegar, and vinegar.

Vinegar is found on special types of vine which, whence they rustle in the wind, make a sound.

But vinegar is very nice and also makes for a neat little packet of crisps. Indeed.

Salt

De rigueur with any Fish & Chips meal is lashings of huge amounts of salt.

Mountains of the stuff. Without salt (and vinegar) a fish and chip meal would be like trying to eat cornflakes without any milk. Just thoroughly impossible, guy.