Why Jaffa Cakes Are Better Than Atoms

Jaffa Cakes are known to be shy and will often hide in their packaging.
Jaffa Cakes are known to be shy and will often hide in their packaging.

Mr. Wapojif doesn’t have a physics degree, but he does have a moronic brain which he uses to spout endless gibberish with. This is pretty much as good, so today is a didactic day during which you will learn the very fundamental aspect ratios of what makes the universe tick. Now, what makes Mr. Wapojif tick is analogous to what makes the big old universe tick, as atoms are what make us all up, and all that. So he’s going to have an uninformed, uneducated, mindless rant about them for the next few hundred words. Never fear! This is all in the name of science, and whilst his rambling will no doubt be ridiculed by his scientific contemporaries, Mr. Wapojif’s skin is made of thick stuff (he wears leather jackets, you see) so he won’t burst into tears anytime soon, what what.

So what are atoms (we’ll spell this out in laymen terms for you, Moron readers)? Well, first off, the word atom (when cunningly rearranged with new letters) looks a bit like baton, which are weapons police people use to beat the living daylights out of naughty people. Atoms are much the same; they are a basic unit of matter consisting of a dense central nucleus (kind of like the jam central bit in Jaffa Cakes), surrounded by a sort of cloud of negatively charged electrons (think of the fluffy cake like  bit  in Jaffa Cakes, and the chocolate layer topping). So, there you have it, atoms are pretty much like Jaffa Cakes! The difference is, of course, Jaffa Cakes are much easier to understand, and are far more tasty, than any ruddy atom ever was. Rather! For instance, whoever heard of an Atom Cake? Only a complete and utter psychopath would consider such a notion! Jaffa Cakes, however, are already cakes. And mighty tasty ones they are too, so we’ll state right here and now that, despite atoms being useful and all that, Jaffa Cakes are just much better. Innit. Good, we hope this has cleared everything up.

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