To House Cat… Or Not To House Cat?

As proven here, House Cats come in handy for cleaning your laundry.
As proven here, House Cats come in handy for cleaning your laundry.

Cats are animals with four legs, fur, two eyes, and other stuff. They’re highly popular amongst human beings as pets due to their domesticability and (largely) docile behaviour. There is a current craze kicking around these days for city dwellers – Le House Cat. This is a cat which lives in one’s home and never leaves for the great outdoors. EVER! Quite literally, if the cat leaves your house in any way a government satellite (known as a Catellite) will blast a Death Ray bolt to Earth and incinerate your property. Not the best thing to happen, eh? Make sure, if you go the House Cat route, to keep the furball indoors at all times. Or else!

Anyway, there are positives and negatives to keeping a cat inside all the time. Some people suggest it’s cruel to the cat, but cat specialists (known as Catalysts) say being indoors removes the stress cats suffer through by competing for space in a local neighbourhood. Regardless, either way cats are usually happy and sleep 12 hours a day. It’s alright for some. BUT! Consider these issues before making a House Cat decision. Your way of life depends on it:

Positives Of An Indoor Cat: The cats learn human skills. You can (seriously) train them to use human toilets! With further training you can have them clean your property: the dirty laundry, washing up, cooking etc. It’s a Super Mega Win situation for the owner! Imagine coming home from work and the cat has cooked up Beans on Toast with a tinned fruit salad dessert. Awesome! After a while the cats learn to speak Human, and this leads to pleasant conversations about seafood, hairballs, sleep, catnip, food, sleep, food, sleep, and chasing stuff. What could be better?

Negatives Of An Indoor Cat: The cat will be there all the time: if it’s in a mood you will know about it, it won’t necessarily do the dishes as it might sleep all day, and it might do the laundry but it’ll sleep on it again anyway and get its fur everywhere. The cat will also sleep on your head during the night believing it is keeping your brain warm. What’s more, once it’s learned to talk, the cat will demand food regularly, thusly leading to domestic disputes. Inevitably, they’ll get violent and the police will turn up on your doorstep wondering what’s going on. At this point you have to explain you’ve been enduring a heated debate with the cat about prawns. That’s a “Waste of Police Time” warning right there, sir!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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