New Recipe: Carbodehydrates (like carbohydrates, but not)!


We’re getting a bit fed up of carbohydrates. Everywhere you go it’s carbs this and carbs that – it’s impossible to have a discussion about anything (from molecular physics, polemical discourse, or radical philosophical leanings) without carbs poking its bloated face into proceedings.

It’s an idiotically multifaceted world of complex, simple, and refined carbohydrates: bread, rice, cereal, potatoes, porridge, pasta, cookies, donuts, or vegetables – whatever it is, we don’t want to know. What we do want to know, however, is why carbohydrates keep people hydrated. Morally this is wrong. One should have the choice between being hydrated and dehydrated – this is why we’ve invented carbodehydrates!

Our food stuffs work like normal carbs but with a simple twist: they make you dehydrated. To achieve this state of affairs we’ve loaded up the salt levels to near fatal levels in all of our impending products (donuts, pop tarts, and baguettes thus far), which will leave the imbiber of aforementioned products with a frantic desire to rehydrate themselves.

Whilst this may appear like a dangerous idea, it is (in actuality) brilliant for weight loss. Shed the pounds off with carbodehydrates and find a manic new lust for water! What could be better than that, other than sliced bread which tells you the time as you eat it? The advantages of carbodehydrates are follows:

  • No more odious bloating – carbodehydrates taste so repugnant you’ll not be eating much, banishing that bloated carb feeling into oblivion!
  • Consume more water! We all need to be, right? Now you’ll have the manic craving to keep your skin looking young and healthy!

What more could one ask for? For further details contact Professional Moron for a taste tester kit. NB: You must be supervised, under all circumstances, by an adult when tasting Carbodehydrates.

Carbodehydates shouldn’t be eaten as part of a balanced diet and are consumed at the consumer’s risk. Always be within 10ft of a water fountain, stretch of pollution free water (as an estuary, lake, or river), or bottled water when consuming the product.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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