Miso soup: “Me soooooo soup!” – yeah, we get it miso soup. You’re pretty good at being soup. Damn good, in fact, but there’s no need to get all narcissistic about it!

Indeed, we can’t think of a foodstuff which is more arrogant about its standing. Not even Lobster Bisque is this showy.

Miso soup (味噌汁), if you’re not in the know, is a traditional Japanese soup made from stock which is known as dashi, which has miso paste added along with (if the chef is smart) bits of shallots. Gosh darn it, it’s some mighty fine soup!

This doesn’t excuse miso’s vanity surrounding the matter.

Miso soup?! What are you fools on about now?

It’s like having to endure some tedious Generation Y sort posting endless half naked Selfies onto their social media accounts. Miso soup is so pleased with itself it feels the need to highlight its achievements within its name. The goddamn conceited SOB!

Whilst “me soooooo soup” boasts about its brilliance, other soups are far more down to earth. Take the legendary potato and leek, for instance, which is as humble as humble does.

Then there’s mushroom soup which, I think we can all agree, is ace, yet the dear doesn’t feel the need to flaunt itself about the place pouty lips and humblebragging.

Miso soup, consequently, stands accused of crimes against food. If found guilty, it is liable for at least 35 years in special internment camps known as Soup Prison.

This is like your average prison, except all the inmates are soups – those wayward sorts who lost their way and turned to a life of poorly considered stock choices, too much salt, and a general lack of flavour.

Oh no… is miso soup going to do time!?

We highlight the notorious Amy’s Kitchen here, whose Organic Chunky Tomato Soup was incarcerated for 50 years due to containing 3g of salt within only 400g—enough to cause your average human being, upon consumption, to collapse whilst frothing wildly at the mouth.

So, Miso Soup, you stand accused of grand narcissism and flaunting it big time. Bail is granted at a cost of some £50,000, but we assure you society will not tolerate such behaviour. Sort it out, or you’re going down!