Exclusive Invention: The Sawner (like a sauna, but not)

Sauna
Like your saunas to be that little bit extra volatile? You’re in luck!

We decided not to research saunas for this piece in order to come across as complete ignoramuses, spouting forth unfounded nonsense and clueless gibberish. Admittedly this is nothing new for us… I mean, look at the title of this blog. Regardless, even a fundamental understanding of saunas would have been useful for today’s post. There is no expertise, so hold on to your hats as this is going to be a bumpy ride.

Saunas are unusual things to say the least. What you do, right, is sit in a roasting hot room and stifle in the exhaustion inducing heat. If you want to step it up a notch you pour water on those coal things, and it all goes crazy and takes the heat to a new extreme. Being in a sauna is what it must be like living in your shower 24/7, except the water’s scolding hot and makes you shriek like an idiot.

If this doesn’t seem crazy enough for you, you’re in luck! Our latest invention involves taking the sauna through an evolutionary step. We’re firm believers that making things more dangerous adds real verve to them, which is why our company, Sawners Is Us (TM), adds a wealth of razor sharp chainsaws and blades into the equation.

We understand saunas are supposed to be areas for relaxation, but wouldn’t it be more interesting if there were several chainsaws sellotaped to the roof and whizzing about manically creating an unholy racket? We’d like to think so, but then that’s us.

Obviously this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so there will be a small stall outside where you can partake in culinary delights to calm your shredded nerves. Yes, a little tea stall will be on the premises supplying free tea. You will, of course, be served by chainsaw wielding madmen, but that’s part of the Sawners Is Us experience. It is almost Halloween, after all!

So, book today for the experience of a lifetime! It’s £100 an hour, or $200 for Americans, and includes a complementary packet of marshmallows to throw at the chainsaw wielding tea maids in order to ward off their belligerent advances.

Please note, anyone purchasing time at Sawners Is Us is doing so at considerable peril to their health and wellbeing. We do not recommend using this service. We don’t even serve sandwiches or anything, and the tea is second rate.

2 comments

    • I feel my entire blog is about dispensing with the gibberish in my brain. It really unclutters one’s thoughts, allowing one to focus on the important things in life. Such as cheese.

      Like

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s