Ah, Friends, that show that ran from that there 1994 to that there 2004. That thing defined that generation of idiots (like ourselves), but whilst its peer Frasier was far superior (that’s a proven fact), it’s known that Friends had an accessible charm that few other shows have matched.

Although the show consisted of Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler, Phoebe and Monica, it was (and were) Ross and Rachel who tended to dominate affairs with their regularly tedious on-and-off-again romance. Lovable, unconventionally handsome geek Ross would often lose his crap in the series, particularly when confronted by the endearing, but vain, Rachel Green. But what if he’d decided to shout something else… such as a non-sequitur?

We were on a break!

Whoa, calm it, Ross! At this stage in the show, Ross and Rachel had hitched up, had a massive falling out, but were now happily ensconced together. However, a brooding Ross loses his crap after Rachel gets a bit too patronising. He goes full rage quit, in other words.

We weren’t on a break!

Wait…  I thought you were on a break, though?

Wii Were On A Break!

This is another Nintendo Wii video game which slipped under the radar. In it, you got to be either Ross or Rachel and lark about in relationship land having arguments. After being besieged by abysmal reviews, the game bombed – it made a mere $300 of its $10 million budget back. Ouch!

We was on a break!

With grammur like that; Ross’: its know wonder she dumped you.

We were baking a cake!

Couples often bicker about petty things, but breaking up because of a cake baking session must rank as one of the most bizarre. Fools! Cake baking such be a joyous occasion!

We were drinking a milkshake!

Fair enough, Ross, but there’s no need TO BLOODY SHOUT IT, is there? Sheesh… bloody men.

We were on a lake!

Lakes are pleasant things so, couples, please keep your tedious bickering away from them. You’ll disturb the wildlife.

We were eating steak!

Nothing ends a relationship faster than watching a grown men grunt his way through an enormous, bloody steak of dead cow.

We were involved in an earthquake!

After surviving such an event, PTSD-stricken Ross and Rachel struggle to put their relationship back on track in the midst on an existential crisis.

We were tied to a stake!

Jesus. Doesn’t sound like a fun type of relationship, Ross. Keep your creepy, perverted fetishes away from Rachel Green. She’s pure!

We both had a headache!

That’s what happens when you eat so much steak, Gellar. Take your date to a sushi bar next time.

We were eating oatcake!

Seriously, if you break up because of porridge oats there really is something a bit wrong with you.

We were rather opaque!

*Quip Mode* But then… aren’t most couples!?

My head is shaped like a pancake!

That’s a bit unfair – Ross Gellar is an, unconventionally, handsome son of a gun.

Blur were on a break!

Feuding couples in the 1990s had blazing rows about Blur and Oasis. The former were miles better, it’s true.

We were on a jailbreak!

Rachel and Ross could have been the ’90s version of Bonnie and Clyde had they been somewhat more impulsive.

We both have stomachache!

That’ll, again, be because you ate a hideous steak, you bloody freak of nature, Ross.

We were watching a remake!

Jesus, which one?! They’re often not very good, you know. Make the wrong choice and your significant other will dump you. We guess Ross chose Vince Vaughn’s 1998 Psycho remake. Not cool, man. Grounds for immediate divorce.

And finally…

We need to watch our intake!

Were Ross and Rachel secretly crack addicts? Something doesn’t ring true about this. Ross is also too… pure.

Oh, and…

We were baked!

This further suggests Ross and Rachel were actually drug addicts barely holding their lives together. This would explain Ross’ mood swings, the hair, and that time he bought a pet monkey.