Two legendary quotes in one legendary speech. We’ve already covered “Here’s looking at you, kid“. Maybe not today or tomorrow or the day after, but there’s always Paris. So there’s, like, 17 legendary quotes within one quote – that’s how you write a speech, man!

Still, if Humphrey Bogart had been thinking a bit less straight there’s every chance he might have messed his lines up and we’d have a very different history here right now.

Regardless, Paris? Well, what’s wrong with the other areas of the world, Bogey? Why not: “We’ll always have this foggy airport” or “We’ll always have last night when we said a great many things” – stupid bloody man.

We’ll always have Paris

Here’s the original in all its Paris loving glory. Will they always have Paris, though? What if one of them bangs their head and suffers memory loss, does this mean they don’t have Paris anymore, or are we making this a bit too complicated?

We won’t always have Paris

Yeah, you won’t, seeing as you’re never going back there, you don’t have the jurisdiction to claim you can have it, and I’m pretty sure Paris’ 2.24 million citizens don’t want your listless relationship ruining the atmosphere.

We’ll always hate Paris

Uneccesarrily rude and ignorant – why would you say such a thing, Humphrey Bogart? Why?!

We’ll always have plaster of Paris

How… romantic of you, Humphrey… we guess. You old dog, you. Still got the moves!

We’ll always have Bolton

Yes, rainy old Bolton in Greater Manchester where many a romantic memory has been barfed onto the sidewalk after an evening of lager drinking.

We’ll always have penis

Erm, okay. Not entirely true considering the male race may one day die out. Or every male race, or something.

We’ll always have phallus

What is it with your infatuation with this stuff, Bogart?!

We’ll always have Anna Faris

Yes, I guess we will, even though I only remember her from her small appearance in Lost in Translation.

We’ll always have Maris

You will indeed, Crane siblings, you will indeed.

We can always halve Paris

Paris isn’t a cake you can dish out between you, Bogart, stop with the wild fantasies and just clear off already.

Wii Always Have Paris

Another Nintendo Wii game which fell through the gaming community due to dismal reviews. In this game, players play the star-crossed lovers from an FPS perspective, mowing down belligerent Nazi maniacs with bottles of gin and the odd shot glass.

We’ll always have malice

Yes, I guess that does come in pretty useful at times. The film would have been even better if the couple had beaten the crap out of each other at the end.

Well always have Paris

Dammit, Bogart, you messed up the start of the sentence and plunged on ahead anyway! Risky business, dude, let’s hope she didn’t notice.

Wheel always have Paris

If he was one for cracking dad jokes this would have been a total corker. They would have done a proper LOL right there on the airport.

We’ll polonaise in Paris

That’s too romantic, Humphrey, we’re looking for more grotesque stuff, you know?

And finally…

We’ll always have parasites

Much more like it! Well done, Bogey. Job well done. Not on the parasites, that’s just gross, but you can probably get a cream for that.