Ending a form of communication is always a tricky business. Do you end a conversation with a traditional “Goodbye” or should you rely on something new and exciting, such as “I love you and I want to have your babies”, even if you’re a man and you’re wrapping up an important job interview? The latter may be non-conformist, it may also be highly inappropriate, but it’s a tad more lively than reeling off your bog standard “Bye”. Isn’t it? Well?!

How to Use a Parting Phrase

Many conversations are held every day and they, usually, have a beginning, middle, and an end (unless you’re Marvin from Pulp Fiction, whose lack of an opinion resulted in the ultimate end). Parting phrases are, indeed, a difficult one and we’ve decided to facilitate our loyal readers with some traditional, and nontraditional, ways to wrap things up.

Yours Sincerely

Deliciously insincere and anachronistic, by signing off with “yours sincerely” you may as well just be writing “May you acquire scurvy whilst being distant to oranges”. Avoid.

Yours

Looks like you’ve forgotten to write the rest of your parting phrase, which indicates you’re either in the early stages of dementia or you’re drunk. Avoid.

Regards

Regards for what? Don’t be fatuous.

Best Regards

This is acceptable but should also be multi-layered, so if we don’t want to offer our best regards we can offer worst regards, second-rate regards, substandard regards, unfavourable regards, disastrous regards, obscene regards etc. 

Kind regards

Don’t even go there, sister.

Farewell

This is a phrase for Sound of Music fans only.

Goodbye

Okay, you duplicitous fiend, it’s “good” to be saying bye to me, is it? Why, I never thought I’d see the day! Surely, if you like someone, you should be saying “badbye” and bursting into tears as you’re sad to see them go? You’ve been doing it wrong all these years, fools!

Bye

What do you mean, “bye”? As in, you expect me to buy something from you but you can’t be bothered formulating a coherent sentence other than a singular word? Get away from me, please. I’m not interested in your products or monosyllabic ways… in fact, improve your sales act!

All The Best

Has multiple purposes, such as being a chirpy send off, or a good way to indicate the other individual should never bother you again. This can be made a lot simpler by plumping for “All the worst” in the event of talking to nefarious baddies or your mortal enemy.

Cheers

You’re not out drinking, you’re not being informal, you’re being a jerk. Please refrain from using this – Kind regards, Mr. Wapojif.

Ta Very Much!

If you know how to speak like a northerner, or just want to learn a few new tricks, this will do you well.

TooDle Pip!

A hearty British farewell like no other! Toodle-oo is also acceptable.

Peace and vegetables

This is our preferred signoff, for it promotes pacifism and healthy eating all-in-one. You are free to use this, we haven’t imposed copyright just yet, but you must add an additional suffix to your conversation to attribute the saying to us. Example: “Of course I want to marry you, darling. Peace and vegetables… and, by the way, this saying was invented by Professional Moron, a website for deadbeats and losers such as myself, the man you’re about to marry.” Cheers.