Sometimes in life, all you need is to get to the chopper. After this, all of your problems will be solved. Are you, for instance, in desperate need of a haircut? Simply get to the chopper, and that’ll be that sorted. Arnold Schwarzenegger knew this, which is why he screamed it with veracity at arbitrary female survivor Anna (Elpidia Carrillo). That’s nice of him.

As macho romps go, though, Predator is right up there, but due to all of the testosterone flying about and the use of steroids, surely it must have been difficult to remain lucid and logical in the jungle? Indeed, Professional Moron has exclusive access to the alternate reality versions of “Get to the chopper!” – these were the hilarious results which cropped (sorry, chopped!) up! Hahaha.

Get to the chopper!

The chopper-based original in all its glory. After this, Anna apparently does get to the chopper and survives, so Big Arnie’s learned advice here was rather learned indeed. Full marks to you, Dutch.

Get to the copper!

Pretty sure a police officer isn’t going to be of much assistance against that enormously powerful space alien fiend, Arnold. Plus, we’re pretty sure there won’t be any coppers in the jungle, anyway. Think logically, man.

Get to the boxer!

Look, even Mike bloody Tyson isn’t going to be much use against that alien thing, mate. Rethink your strategy.

Get to the chippy!

For starters, there won’t be a Fish ‘n Chips restaurant in the vicinity of that jungle, but you’d not have the time to consume the food, anyway, as the alien being would demolish you in an instant.

Git to the chopper!

Okay, there’s no need for profanity, Arnold. A standardised “get” is more than adequate for this situation.

Get to the migratory grasshopper!

That will be of no use in this high stress situation. Anna may be a woman of slight build, but even she wouldn’t be able to clamber on a grasshopper in order to escape. The chopper was a far superior option.

Get to the otter!

What otter? We’ve watched the film numerous times over the years and, with great conviction, can argue there is no otter in this film. Stupid man.

Sweat to the chopper!

Well, yeah, she’ll be running so I’m sure she’ll be sweating. That’s a common feature of vigorous exercise, so there’s no need to state the obvious.

Beget to the helicopter!

This isn’t a Shakespearean tragedy, Arnold, so cut out the fancy words and let’s stick to the manic screaming of fundamental diction, yeah?

Forget the chopper!

In a nihilistic turn of events, Arnold realises the situation is hopeless and decides the pair should just get it over with ASAP.

Get to Davy Jones’ locker!

Whilst being at the bottom of the sea would be useful in stopping the predator’s rampage, Arnold, it would still induce death through drowning. Please rethink your master plan.

Juliet, the chopper!

She’s called Anna, Arnold. We know she’s just sort of there for eye candy, this being an ’80s action romp, but at least get her bloody name right!

Get to the lager!

Indeed, a few drinks would be in order after all the issues you’ve been through, but perhaps save that thought for after your survival, Arnold.

Get to the doctor!

Pretty sure she already has this high up on her schedule, Dutch, but again she has to actually survive this extreme situation before she can do that.

Get to the Whopper!

Like the Burger King thing? We’re sure you’re pretty hungry out there in the jungle… or, maybe you’re going to offer the burger to the predator in an attempt to stop its murderous rampage? Well, there’s no evidence to suggest that would work. Sorry to be a party pooper.

Get to the door stopper!

That’s… how would a door stopper assist in your situation, Arnold? Even if you get behind a solid door, a stopper isn’t going to end a hulking monstrosity of an alien, is it?

And finally…

Get to the soccer!

Look, we don’t care how important the match may be to you, you’re in a life and death scenario and you need to think beyond whether the score will be 2-1.