Of all the body parts you own, can you really say your kneecaps are your favourite? “Of course!” You two-faced liar!

You probably have two of them. And they’re this, sort of, circular bit of bone that basically keeps your lower leg attached to the top bit.

As such, we’ve decided to make some famous, inspirational proverbs better. All thanks to the wonders of the kneecap(s)!

Two kneecaps don’t make a kneecap

Indeed, they make two singular kneecaps. As opposed to just the one. Great proverb. A fantastic start to the list!

Don’t count your kneecaps before they hatch

We all have two of them and we’re not expecting them to hatch anytime soon. What would they hatch into, anyway? A kneecap with wings? LOL! Madness.

Great kneecaps think alike

They do indeed, they all think: “I’m a kneecap.” And they do their bloody job splendidly.

Kneecaps speak louder than words

What? No they don’t. Kneecaps don’t speak at all. How stupid.

Beauty is in the cap of the knee

If you find beauty in the kneecap, then fair play to you. Although that is one unfortunate, perverted fetish you have right there you freak of nature.

Better late than kneecaps

Agreed, it’s much better to be, like, an hour late to something (say, your wedding) than to exist solely as a kneecap. For that would be a boring existence.

You can take a kneecap to water, but you can’t make it drink

That’s probably because knees don’t consume water. They don’t have a mouth or anything. Keep that in mind next time. You can jam your kneecap into a puddle, or whatever, but it won’t imbibe the liquid water. That’s biology.

Kneecaps is blind

Well, duh. It’s a bloody kneecap, it doesn’t have an eye socket. Also, that should be “are” as it’s plural *smug grin*.

Mind your own kneecaps

Yes, we generally do. At no point have we had any temptation to manage anyone else’s kneecaps.

Don’t judge a kneecap by its knee

That’s sage advice. We usually judge a knee by its kneecap. But never a kneecap by its knee. That would be illegal. Serviceable by a public flogging with a rusty chain.

Two kneecaps are better than one

Yes, but three kneecaps are a crowd. As Hell is other kneecaps. Conversely, zero kneecaps is an even greater problem. As is -1 kneecap, as that breaks the fundamental laws of quantum mechanics. And that’s bad.

Kneecaps can’t be choosers

Not totally accurate. Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, kneecaps can now have a body part change. It’s perfectly acceptable for a kneecap to become, say, a big toe.

Crime doesn’t pay (in kneecaps)

Truth. It’s usually money that criminals are after. No kneecaps. Unless they’ve got a black market kneecap business going. Then kneecaps would be highly desirable.

Don’t bite the kneecaps that feed you

Okay. But… no kneecap has ever fed me anything. I’ll keep that in mind, though.

And finally…

Kneecaps seldom knock twice

Well, yeah… but they seldom knock once, either. What a stupid proverb.