Are you sick and tired of not being able to use your toilet seat as a fashion accessory? The great news is you’ll soon just be sick (due to various bacterial infections), as our spectacular and eye-catching toilet seat hat solves all of life’s woes.
Yes, this clothing item can be donned to professional or social events, whether it’s a job interview, dinner party, or hot date.
Simply detach the seat from your toilet, place it upon your bonce, and you’re all good to go. Here’s why it’s going to be the hottest fashion item of the summer!
Toilet Seat Hat
This clothing item is also perfectly functional as a toilet seat. All you need to do is attach it to your toilet with the included rungs and you’re all good to go. You’ll never get caught short again!
Once finished, simply detach the rungs, wipe off any little “accidents”, and place the hat back on your head.
You’re then free to parade around society looking every bit the part, for the hat resembles a fascinator bridal hat with flowery arrangement. That’s for the discerning lady.
For men, you can get one in black or brown and it looks like a top hat. But it’s also a toilet seat – a great way to impress the lads down the boozer.
Other than that, it’s really all about the convenience. Modern life is so cluttered and we’re aiming to declutter it all by creating as many all-in-one hybrid products as possible.
Even if it means putting your health at severe risk.
Safety Precautions
Although the toilet seat hat looks great, you’ll need to maintain various health and safety practices in order to wear it.
First of all, we recommend a full facial mask – this will fend off particulate matter and residue from unpleasant bodily functions that are embarrassing so we won’t mention them here (i.e. poop, urine, and vomit).
If you’re particularly sensitive, then you can don a full hazmat suit and stick the toilet seat hat on top of that. Your overall sex appeal will plummet, sure, but you’ll avoid the more unsanitary elements of the fashion accessory.
Our good old friend chemical grade bleach is another option.
Whenever you’ve used the toilet seat hat as a toilet seat, place it back on your head and then pour a litre of bleach liberally over your body. That will kill 99.9% of germs and also shred the hair from your scalp (the shaved head look is very much indeed “in” these days).
But above everything else, enjoy wearing the hat! It’s only £350 ($500) and will be a massive hit this summer thanks to our marketing campaign with the tagline:
"Toilet Seat Hats: Helping you look the shit, whilst taking one."
Professional Moron 
And we thought the Bowler was out of style. (pun intended)
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Bowler… like in cricket? What’s that got to do with the toilet seat hat? Cricket is a sport where men hit balls with sticks.
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Bowler, as in Bowler Hat…oh for heaven’s sake, why do I even try? My cleverness falls on deaf eyes.
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Look, love, if you want a fight just get to Manchester and then fisticuffs is apparent. Piccadilly Gardens – you bring the bargain bin cider, I’ll bring the pasties, and we’ll slug it out.
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Piccadilly Gardens…five PM…I’ll be wearing pasties. Maybe that means something different in Manchester. Ok, I’ll be wearing sweat pants.
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It’s 6:15pm, you’re already almost an hour late. But if you want to wear pasties go ahead, it just means the Manc blokes will be a bit overbearing.
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I’ve been held up. Tomorrow 6:30. Be there. There will be crumpets , bring beer.
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I don’t like beer, bring some deer instead. Piccadilly Gardens needs some urban stuff going on. Yeah, mate, you startin’? Aiiiiie.
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Yeah I’m startin’ Matey. Be there or be called out by my deer. Aiiiiiiiiiie.
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Tremendous. Spifffing! You are now a true English human female. Welcome to Manchester, the city is now yours. Just steer well clear of 90% of the suburbs because… yeah. Otherwise, proper belting!
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I’m used to the “bad side” of town. don’t you worry , I can hold my own with the thugs. I carry a backpack filled with Hershey bars.
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Yes, you do look like a total hellrasier, human female.
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Not total. That’s just a rumor.
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Rumour. *smug grin of an annoyingly smug git*
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smiles back knowingly.
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Fisticuffs, womans… *wobbles a bit* fisticuffs to ensure male superior… *falls flat on arse*
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Luckily I brought a wheel barrow, off we go.
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Tsssk… more will follow. Mwah. Mwahah. MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!
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It certainly will. It’s on.
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Hmmm, a pretty good idea, all in all.
I can see other accessory ideas here. I’m liking the Toilet Seat Medallion. With the 70’s maybe making a fashion comeback, medallions are all the rage. Also, they could be hung around one’s neck using old chainsaw chains.
Your tagline would still apply, and you would have an 3-in-1 hybrid. Looking good!!!
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Are flares going to be the rage again soon? Anything to end this skinny jean stuff.
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H’actually, the reverse flare is coming in. The eralf will be all the rage!
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Eralf? Surely the reverse flare will make one reverse on request? Like a vehicle. “Attention, this individual is reversing. Bee boop, boop!” Do you have that in Canada?
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Sounds good! 😀
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