Video games, eh? Them things for kids and stupid people. Well, we thought it was about time to get artistic and make them things a bit more engaging for any of you things who know nothing about them.

Resident Evil

This game is so scary.

Unlike a tiny little fairy.

Or watching Little House on the Prairie.

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Sonic the Hedgehog

This hedgehog is so cool.

He’s like a great big swimming pool.

That’s filled right to the top with drool.

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Noobs

I really hate noobie scum.

The make my brain go numb.

Or maybe that’s because I keep swallowing chewing gum.

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Console Wars

I am convinced my machine is the best.

And to prove my point I am getting undressed.

Oh shit, now I am under arrest.

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Super Mario

Apparently Mario is really super.

But I think he looks like a booger.

Or a stressed-out commuter.

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Gears of War

It is true that there are gears of war.

That this one time made a general sore.

Because he was shot in the head.

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Grand Theft Auto

I like to break into cars.

Then go around smashing up bars.

Before dreaming about visiting the stars.

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PC Master Race

I spent £3,000 ensuring my graphics are the best.

Which promptly led to civil unrest.

I guess this is why I am under house arrest.

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Call of Duty

After a 14-hour CoD binge.

In my bowels I feel a slight twinge.

And then it opens like a trap-door hinge.

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Mario Kart

As I drive dead fast around the track.

I am disracted by my hairy back.

I should stop picking Donkey Kong.

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Fighting Games

Button mash like bloody crazy.

Mash, mash, mash, mash.

Fighting games are rubbish.

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Tetris

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun.

DUN dun dun, dun dun dun.

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Rage Quitting

As I take FIFA so seriously.

I tend to rage quit quite furiously.

Yes, I know I embarrass myself horrendously.

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Gamergate

Because I am a bit dumb.

I have a problem with feminism.

Luckily there is still good old fascism.

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Live Chat

Whilst I play CoD.

I like to call people a, “Stupid sod!”

What happened to my life?

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The Legend of Zelda

I really like Zelda’s hat. 

And how he looks a bit like a cat. 

Or a really green cow pat. 

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Final Fantasy

Cloud often doesn’t talk out loud. 

As he is a cloud. 

How it that even allowed? 

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Mass Effect

If you want to have a massive effect. 

You should promote a really good prefect. 

And not someone who denies the greenhouse effect.