Haiku Friday #8: Video Game & Gaming Thing Special

Gamepad with yellow in the background
Erm, games!?

Video games, eh? Them things for kids and stupid people. Well, we thought it was about time to get artistic and make them things a bit more engaging for any of you things who know nothing about them.

Resident Evil

This game is so scary.

Unlike a tiny little fairy.

Or watching Little House on the Prairie.

Sonic the Hedgehog

This hedgehog is so cool.

He’s like a great big swimming pool.

That’s filled right to the top with drool.

Noobs

I really hate noobie scum.

The make my brain go numb.

Or maybe that’s because I keep swallowing chewing gum.

Console Wars

I am convinced my machine is the best.

And to prove my point I am getting undressed.

Oh shit, now I am under arrest.

Super Mario

Apparently Mario is really super.

But I think he looks like a booger.

Or a stressed-out commuter.

Gears of War

It is true that there are gears of war.

That this one time made a general sore.

Because he was shot in the head.

Grand Theft Auto

I like to break into cars.

Then go around smashing up bars.

Before dreaming about visiting the stars.

PC Master Race

I spent £3,000 ensuring my graphics are the best.

Which promptly led to civil unrest.

I guess this is why I am under house arrest.

Call of Duty

After a 14-hour CoD binge.

In my bowels I feel a slight twinge.

And then it opens like a trap-door hinge.

Mario Kart

As I drive dead fast around the track.

I am disracted by my hairy back.

I should stop picking Donkey Kong.

Fighting Games

Button mash like bloody crazy.

Mash, mash, mash, mash.

Fighting games are rubbish.

Tetris

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun.

DUN dun dun, dun dun dun.

Rage Quitting

As I take FIFA so seriously.

I tend to rage quit quite furiously.

Yes, I know I embarrass myself horrendously.

Gamergate

Because I am a bit dumb.

I have a problem with feminism.

Luckily there is still good old fascism.

Live Chat

Whilst I play CoD.

I like to call people a, “Stupid sod!”

What happened to my life?

The Legend of Zelda

I really like Zelda’s hat. 

And how he looks a bit like a cat. 

Or a really green cow pat. 

Final Fantasy

Cloud often doesn’t talk out loud. 

As he is a cloud. 

How it that even allowed? 

Mass Effect

If you want to have a massive effect. 

You should promote a really good prefect. 

And not someone who denies the greenhouse effect. 

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