October 17, 2019Mr. Wapojif

15 Romantic Films Ruined By Adding “Toilet Paper” Into The Title

A toilet paper roll
It moved me to tears.

Romance is a big deal at Professional Moron. Just this morning our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, proposed to a drunken tramp in Manchester’s Piccadilly Garden. The tramp assaulted him with a beer bottle.

Such a display of love at first sight got us thinking about romantic movies, romance, toilets, and bog paper.

The Bridges of Madison County and Toilet Paper

Bog roll

Bridges, Madison County, Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and toilet paper. What more could you want from a movie?

500 Days of Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

This is a film about a man who plans to eat toilet paper for 500 days. Spoiler alert: Aliens invade and ruin his endeavour after a fortnight.

Toilet Paper Actually

Bog roll

Romantic comedy about a weirdo bloke who asks out some toilet paper, but always gets turned down because toilet paper is dating the toilet.

When Harry Met Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

Love at first sight, marriage, and bog roll babies. So cute!

Four Weddings and Toilet Paper

Bog roll

Lots of laughs to be had here as hapless Hugh Grant attends four weddings and brings bog roll as his wedding day present. L oh L, he’s so charmingly awkward!

P.S. I Love Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

Don’t we all?

 Toilet Paper in Seattle

Bog roll

Been to Seattle and ever wondered about its stance on bog roll? This alarming documentary explores how it’s shaped the city’s very culture.

You’ve Got Toilet Paper

Bog roll

I know I’ve got toilet paper, I just went into my bathroom to check. What a stupid film!

Bridget Jones’ Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

Oscar-winning film about a woman called Bridget Jones who runs a toilet paper business. That and an illegal human trafficking black market side-hustle.

Gone with the Toilet Paper

Bog roll

Don’t you just hate it when you invite a friend into your home and they steal all your bog roll? That’s what this poignant documentary explores. Narrated by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

10 Things I Hate About Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

A controversial, hate-filled drama about the evils of toilet paper. Includes damning verdicts such as “Not fluffy enough!” and “Too abrasive!”. Due to this film, the International Bog Roll Commission sued its director, Arnold Schwarzenegger, for $700 million. They received damages of $20.

Beauty and the Toilet Paper

Bog roll

Disney’s animated classic gets a live adaptation remake with, like, loads of bog rolls. The result? The film is ruined. Hurray!

Gentlemen Prefer Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

This is true. Non-gentlemen jam their hand in there are presume that’s enough. Non! Not correct, fool!

The Remains of the Toilet Paper

Bog roll

A moving documentary about what happens to the remains of bog roll after, you know, it gets crammed into all manner of crevices.

And finally…

The Last of the Toilet Paper

Toilet roll cardboard

Daniel-Day Lewis method acted the shite out of this role for the 1992 epic period drama. He spent years working in a toilet paper factory to understand the very essence of what it means to be a single sheet of the stuff.

19 comments

  1. I remember seeing ‘Toilet Paper, Actually’ on a flight from Auckland to Singapore once. Well, a movie with a similar title anyway… It didn’t seem to exactly make sense and it wasn’t until I saw it again, later, that I realised it had been clipped for the purposes of being shown on an aircraft and the entire sequence with the two ‘movie setup stand-ins’ had been mostly, but not entirely, wiped. Could have been worse, I suppose, they could have shown ‘Panic in the Skies’, ‘Airspeed’, ‘Turbulence’, ‘Cabin Pressure’, etc…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Dispense with some gibberish!

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