You, business owner! You need a mission statement. We’re experts—just check out the title of this website!
But you’re too dumb to come up with your own! So, let us define your business’ long-term goals with a pithy sentence that encapsulates your corporate conscience.
Collect Your FREE Mission Statements Today!
Make no mistake, the following bad boys will have the trillions flowing in before you can say, “Hang on a second, are you sure this is legal?!”
- Inspiring humanity, whether on the toilet or not on the toilet.
- Evolving the way in which c-suiters hoard wealth whilst treating inferior employees like shit.
- Parp! To become the world’s leading whoopee cushion developer and dominate the market.
- Providing mindless consumerists with the power to destroy their lives.
- We’re here to make money and don’t give a toss about anything else.
- To become the #1 [insert industry] in the world, bankrupting everyone else and leaving tens of thousands unemployed, destitute, and homeless. Mwahahahaha!
- Empowering creators to create creations of dubious quality whilst we profit from their misguided sense of worth.
- Becoming the BEST BUSINESS on planet Earth, whilst simultaneously destroying it due to myriad careless environmental policies.
- To mislead the world into thinking our billionaire CEO isn’t a greedy wanker!
- Redefining notions of success by ensuring no employees receive a wage.
- Working hard every day to deliver a perfectly adequate service.
- Not stopping until we’re at the cutting-edge of the toilet unblocking industry.
- Mastering liposuction procedures—despite the many mishaps—since 1985.
- Question questions. Think about thinking. Iterate irritably. Detail details. Design is in every swearword. Integrity is leprosy. Pretentious.
- Reinventing how customers waste their general lack of funds.
- Inspiring communities to be healthier by offering deleteriously unhealthy products.
- Looking to become Bolton’s primary pineapple delivery service—whatever it takes.
- Providing the best illegal black market head severing service in all of Lancashire.
- Dumping dead bodies into lakes since 1971.
- Making the best gut-rotting instant meals since scurvy.
There we go, all done. 20 fantastic mission statements you can use to adapt for your business—for free!
Except for the £100 charge and £400 retrofitting over your old mission statement.
You must provide us with attribution or well come round to your property and burn it to the ground.
#13…lol!
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What’s wrong with it? *sniff* That’s my favourite!! You’re a big meanie, House of “Heart”.
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It was my favorite too! I’m going to stop being nice to you. It’s balls to wall from now on.
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“Balls to wall” – You’ve been reading this website too long, woman!
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Yes, I said it! I know It’s not like I’m a man and say what I want!
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“Balls to wall” – Here that just means a game of 5 a side footy, madam. Nice effort though. In future (if you want to come across as a man) I suggest, “Christ! That’s proper mint thart is, geeza! Blimey! Look at the Christ Almightys on that geeza! Phwoar!” etc. Or, you know, refer to my previous softboi piece.
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I’m getting quite the lesson in Britishisms! Well, it means what it means here, and lady soccer teams like to say it so why shouldn’t a mild mannered nurse be able to say it? ⚽️
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Look, ‘olly, can you OR can you not soccer the shite out of football? That’s up to you and Resa. In the meantime my hair must be arranged.
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Posh…. It’s second hand but not too bad.
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wot?
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Posh… a site where the wealthy sell there used clothing and other things, try it.
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Like potpourri. That stuff is for posh people.
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or poor people, it is second hand, I don’t mind but no shoes, purses, wigs, underwear… I could go on.
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If poor people are poor, the should bloody well work harder!! That’s my hideously flawed logic. Anyway, let them eat kuchen.
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Or Sauerbraten! Yeah
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Shouldn’t you be passed out asleep, dammit!? Achtung!
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Maybe
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That comment ended up in my spam folder, clearly indicating how RUBBISH it was. I win! Hahhahahaha!
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Well, that figures. That I have become spam over there is fine with me, I like spam fried with mayo. Get me out of there and keep me out of there or no more captivating comments from Moi!
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Okay, I’ll pay you an annual blog commenting fee going forward. $100 p/a. And a tin of baked beans thrown in for free. Good deal!
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does that mean you will pay me those big bucks for a couple of “maybe’s”? And I get the beans too? Tell me you haven’t had a sun stroke! If legit, I’m in.
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At least 2 words a message. Otherwise… no beans!
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No Beans.
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was auch immer du.
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Kuchen.
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Did you see the comment where he came up with a GOWN mission statement?
Don’t look!
I’ll just copy it here.
“I make gowns, not to be mistaken with clowns, or really serious frowns.”
I mean WTF!
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‘olly’s lunacy is driving me mad. I put it to her, “In clear conscience, explain to me your hair” And she’s all, “Oh, Mr. Wapoif, you’re from England and English guys are bald!” And I were all, “Well, woman, have at you with my illegal black market bazooka!” I’m pretty sure that happened. I’m not one for facts.
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WTF! This is war !!!
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IKR!
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Right!!!
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Left!!!
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was auch immer du
here, not there.
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Kuchen. Kuchen!!!!!
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Strudel, yum
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FYI!
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Wot?
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It’s Say Wot.
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Kuchen! Word of the day.
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Well, I can’t seem to find one that works with gowns. I suppose #19 comes closest?
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Okay here’s a gown one: “I make gowns, not to be mistaken with clowns, or really serious frowns.”
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WTF!
I hope Holly sees this!
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Holly… keep this between me and you… but Holly… is an ‘olly.
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