April 27, 2020Mr. Wapojif

15 New Pet Names To Use For Your Partner

Love with a heart in the place of o
It’s time to express your love with disturbing pet names!

Sweetums, darling, sugar, snuggums, tootsie, honey, skittle, babe, and baby cakes. What are these? No, not an insult to humanity. Pet names!

However, most pet names are pretty old hat. So, we decided to invent some new ones. For free to use them at your leisure.

Relationships & Pet Names

To be clear, we don’t mean pet names here. Say, for your pet cat. It’s fine to call your cat fluffy, cuddles, Gertrude, or Beelzebub.

You can’t call your pet cat anything such as honey bunch, wifey, hot-stuff, or snuggly. That’s just where it gets disturbing.

Good, glad we’ve cleared all that up. Now, on with the delightful romantic pet names!

Spuggums

For pug dog owners. This way you can say this within earshot of your significant other, plus the dog, thusly saving everyone time and energy.

Marmite

You either love or hate Marmite. And you either love or hate your boyfriend or girlfriend. Probably the former, but call him or her this yeast-based product name to make sure.

Smashing Pumpkin

You can kill two turds with one stone here:

  1. Call your darling other one a pet name.
  2. Reference a ’90s band you might like.

Dickhead

Not so much a pet name, more an insult. But it works wonders when you’re finding someone annoying. Simply reel this one off and, if necessary, then throw a punch.

Sweat Potato

Slight deviation on sweet potato, but with good intentions only. To indicate your partner is far too sweaty. Inform them they can get an operation for that (botox etc.)

You Utter Goddamn Moron!

If you find your boyfriend particularly exasperating, you might as well turn this common phrase into your official pet name.

Dimple Chin Dunce

Only works if your partner has a dimple chin. And is of the lower intelligence (if they’re smart, get them reading this blog).

Do note, you can’t call anyone without a dimple chin this name. That’s under the jurisdiction of the Dimple Chin Name-Calling Equality Act 2017.

Gorgeous Dumbass

This is if you’re dating someone on the basis of their physical appearance, rather than whether you get on with them or not.

You’re Not Exactly Brad Pitt

Roll this one out regularly to convey your disappointment in your boyfriend’s looks department. Suggest he get plastic surgery to make himself look more like Brad Pitt.

Donut Features

Probably a positive term. Depending on whether the individual does have facial features resembling a donut. If that’s the case, this is a most unfortunate situation.

Poppy Seed Bitch

This one is for guys who have conflicting states of mind between being a “nice guy” and a “badass”.

As such, he can use the pleasant “poppy seed” pet name opener, before dropping in the curse word to clarify he’s not a total softy.

Nettle Patch

Substitute for the more common “petal” or “poppy seed”. This name indicates your partner is unpleasant to the touch, but otherwise has some positive medicinal attributes.

Salt

Replaces the more standard “sugar”. As it’s short, you can, perhaps, combine this one with some of the others above. Feel free to express your creativity. For example:

  • Salty nettle patch bitch.
  • Salt features.
  • Salty dunce.
  • Gorgeous salt (very good if you’re referring to the white crystalline substance here).

Snuggle Buffoon

To replace the more standard “snuggle muffin”. Applies sufficiently if your partner is, indeed, a buffoon.

On a different tangent, it doesn’t apply if they’re a buffoon or a bassoon.

And finally…

Halfwit

Works on many levels, this one. Normally it’s an insult, but why can’t it function as a pet name and insult hybrid? Indeed.

165 comments

Dispense with some gibberish!

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