August 4, 2020Mr. Wapojif

Agony Aunt: “My husband’s toenail clippings are a deal breaker!”

A giant foot with toenails about to stamp on idyllic countryside
Imagine the clippings from that thing!

Once into any type of relationship, you’ll soon realise humans have irritating habits. Whether it’s nose picking, a hairy back, or knuckle cracking, it can prove troublesome.

Today’s human female is struggling with her husband’s habit clipping his big old man feet nails. So, to calm her distress, let’s see what we can do.

How to Deal With Toenail Clippings

All right? Men are disgusting and my husband Roger is gross. Not content with clogging the toilet at any given opportunity, or vomiting on our bed after returning home from a night out, his habit of clipping his toenails is really getting to me. 

It's bad enough with that goddamn loud CLIPPING noise. But the nail bits go flying off all over the place. Or he just leaves them wherever he's done it. 

Like we had our family friends visit recently. We were sitting in the living room and then I saw this big pile of toenail clippings on the table in the middle of the room. And we're all sitting around it when my son, Barry, puts the brews down and there's these massive wonky toenail clippings right next to the goddamn biscuits and brews!

There was an embarrassed and dead awkward silence. I looked over at Laura and she'd gone bright red in embarrassment. 

I tried to explain them away as maggots after the recent rat infestation, but no on was buying it. They all knew. Especially when Roger came in and went, "Ey up! Anyone seen my toenail clippings?" And then he gathered them up off the table the started inspecting them close up to his face, one by one. He even sniffed at one as well!

That was too much for Laura and she retched and rushed out of the room. My friends all excused themselves and went home. No one comes round our house no more. I am sad and lonely. All because of toenail clippings. What has my life become!? 

I confronted my husband and we had a blazing row. I even threw an egg whisk at him. He said he's worried about his athlete's foot so is keeping "tabs" on his toenails so his feet don't "decay and drop off". 

I threw a spatula at him. I'm gonna have to buy more kitchen implements to throw at him I reckon. That's going to eat into our annual budget...

Anyway, what do you reckon? It's a deal breaker for me, this. Not at all what I wanted from married life! Should I divorce him?! Yours, Mary

Hi Mary! Well, divorce is a major step and you should view that as a last resort in this situation.

Simply because you must remember that, in court, you’ll need to debate who has the right to Roger’s toenail clippings.

In short, you may inadvertently end up with thousands of clippings. And don’t think that’s not possible, there’s a famous case law example (Johnson vs Johnson, 1981) where Mrs. Johnson received a metric tonne of her husband’s toenail clippings after winning the right to divorce him.

That could happen to you. Are you willing to take the chance? Are you!?

An alternative solution is to politely ask your husband to stop being so disgusting. That may work. You never know, eh?

90 comments

  2. Haha, thanjs for the giggles. I quite enjoyed this. That’s true love though, accepting our mates flaws when we would rather send them 6 feet under. A lovely hubby of mind has many, and he is lucky I love him haha – of course I’m no peach myself.

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Dispense with some gibberish!

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