Once into any type of relationship, you’ll soon realise humans have irritating habits. Whether it’s nose picking, a hairy back, or knuckle cracking, it can prove troublesome.
Today’s human female is struggling with her husband’s habit clipping his big old man feet nails. So, to calm her distress, let’s see what we can do.
How to Deal With Toenail Clippings
All right? Men are disgusting and my husband Roger is gross. Not content with clogging the toilet at any given opportunity, or vomiting on our bed after returning home from a night out, his habit of clipping his toenails is really getting to me. It's bad enough with that goddamn loud CLIPPING noise. But the nail bits go flying off all over the place. Or he just leaves them wherever he's done it. Like we had our family friends visit recently. We were sitting in the living room and then I saw this big pile of toenail clippings on the table in the middle of the room. And we're all sitting around it when my son, Barry, puts the brews down and there's these massive wonky toenail clippings right next to the goddamn biscuits and brews! There was an embarrassed and dead awkward silence. I looked over at Laura and she'd gone bright red in embarrassment. I tried to explain them away as maggots after the recent rat infestation, but no on was buying it. They all knew. Especially when Roger came in and went, "Ey up! Anyone seen my toenail clippings?" And then he gathered them up off the table the started inspecting them close up to his face, one by one. He even sniffed at one as well! That was too much for Laura and she retched and rushed out of the room. My friends all excused themselves and went home. No one comes round our house no more. I am sad and lonely. All because of toenail clippings. What has my life become!? I confronted my husband and we had a blazing row. I even threw an egg whisk at him. He said he's worried about his athlete's foot so is keeping "tabs" on his toenails so his feet don't "decay and drop off". I threw a spatula at him. I'm gonna have to buy more kitchen implements to throw at him I reckon. That's going to eat into our annual budget... Anyway, what do you reckon? It's a deal breaker for me, this. Not at all what I wanted from married life! Should I divorce him?! Yours, Mary
Hi Mary! Well, divorce is a major step and you should view that as a last resort in this situation.
Simply because you must remember that, in court, you’ll need to debate who has the right to Roger’s toenail clippings.
In short, you may inadvertently end up with thousands of clippings. And don’t think that’s not possible, there’s a famous case law example (Johnson vs Johnson, 1981) where Mrs. Johnson received a metric tonne of her husband’s toenail clippings after winning the right to divorce him.
That could happen to you. Are you willing to take the chance? Are you!?
An alternative solution is to politely ask your husband to stop being so disgusting. That may work. You never know, eh?
That never works! Perhaps a bucket somewhat like a spittoon and a signed contract that he will empty it into the street timely or NO marmite.
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Nice suggestion, but it exists on the belief Marmite is available in your local vicinity. Which it doesn’t, for example, for many Americans. I still think my advice, whatever it was, was probably correct or near enough adequate.
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Tut! Just a bit of input. And excellent. Substitute marmite for marmalade.
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No.
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😎
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No! Substitute marmalade for marmite. You’re getting me all confused.
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Dammit, lady, I’m trying to run an agony aunt here, not a supermarket!!
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The agony parts working. Go with the marmalade.
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I prefer jam.
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I like homemade fig jam and Kaya jam. I’m trying to cut out sugar, this isn’t helping.
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I’m worried he’s thinking “toe nail jam” … that would be 1 up on toe jam. It’s all so marmitey!
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Toe jam, Nope the guy has to go.
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IKR! Gross, or what?
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Oh yeah, so gross. 🤢
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🤢 🤢 🤢 🤢 🤢 🤢 – good emoji! Perhaps ‘Oron should switch to this?
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I’ve kind of gotten use to the basketball backboard with stitch teeth.
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…. but it’s sooooo ugly! Sigh!
He’s actually very nice looking, yet, he prefers the world to see him, as the basketball backboard with stitch teeth.
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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He’s adorable. So cute. Now he’s digging through emojis for something more fitting 💪🏻
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I don’t know if his arm is so muscled? Maybe….. from all that chainsaw revving…..
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I can do 5 push ups a month.
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Impressive!
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I’ll have you know it’s my profound stare of intellectual might.
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I can see the genius in those button eyes and the brilliance of stitching the mouth shut.
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Well, it cost me $1 on Canva, so I’m getting my money’s worth out of it.
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Canva….? Might I be able to access this gift of gods.
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Yeah, you might find it useful. Some of it is free, other bits aren’t. Canva.com. Shimples!
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Checking it out …love the teeth on Wajopif, and button eyes. Makes me feel good. and no dentist visits that’s so cool cause no one wants anyone’s fingers in there mouth right now.
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You just sign up and start creating, really. I’ve used it for a few banners and whatnot. I get most of my images from Pixabay (copyright free). They’re NOT stolen! Honest.
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Great choice , I smile every time I see it.
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Good! Mz. Resa seems quite freaked by it, but I chose this ‘un because it makes me laugh. And sometimes scream.
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I appreciate the noncommittal expression. Lol!
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Welcome to Professional Moron!
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😊
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Nope, I like the colour yellow. So, I’m sticking with the current vacant expression dude.
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That’s not what ‘Olly calls it!
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What does ‘olly call it!? JAUNDICE!? LOL! (that’s a nurse joke FYI btw)
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FYI – You’re lucky she didn’t call Hepatitis!
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Hepatitis doesn’t scare me! Scurvy is the scary one.
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Well, when you finally get scurvy, the teeth will fall out of that jaundiced basketball board likeness of you!
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I’d rather have gout than scurvy, at least my perfect British teeth would stay in my face.
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Oh for crying gout loud!
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That’d make for an excellent book title.
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Everything I say makes a great book title!!!!!
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I’m in agony!
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Hang in , I’m coming with the bucket.
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Thank you! xoxo
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Is it too late? xoxo
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No… guurrrrglllle… gaaaaak …. yes!
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Oops…watch where you step. Sorry, always a day late and a dollar ( in this case a bucket) short.
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Between you and Jeep, my feet are poulticed!
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Is that like a cataplasm? Jeep thinks so.
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Hahahahahaha! Cataplasm gets rid of callouses….. especially when it contains plant matter! xo
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Oron loves veggies. He has the best Veggies in the world is my guess. My veggies are sad beside his. xo
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Yeah! Got a food delivery in like 10 minutes packed with vegetables and a watermelon. Beat that, American woman!
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Don’t forget it is quite pathetic here, I am buying my groceries on line and having them delivered and I don’t mean from the corner produce market filled with red ripe tomatoes like I used to find. Have a heart. send tomatoes.
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Have a gander at Tin Can Cook. Jack Monroe does super meals you can make from shite ingredients. We’ve just plunged into a massive recession as of today, unfortunately, so it’s going to come in handy!
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You probably know we have long bread lines here, not seen since the great depression. It is funny how it kind of puts things into perspective, dear god I’m so philosophical, help me Agony Aunt.
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It’s bollocks, it really is. A disgrace. Billionaires should be forking out to help. Here, it’s government incompetence that’s exacerbated the issue. Seems even worse in America.
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It’s incredibly shocking and disturbing, hoping for better days meanwhile holding on by a thread 🧵
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If you get a new President that’d be a mighty fine start.
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If he ran against a tin can I’d vote for it.
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❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨❦🎨
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OR BOVRIL! OR MUSHY PEAS! Where do they get this stuff from?
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Mushy peas are a specialty of mine.
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*Evil laugh* Slowly but surely, the British invasion of North America commences. And it begins with weird foodstuffs.
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Oh… well yours are probably tasty!
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I put lots of Marmite in them!
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Okay, now I know you are teasing me! Miss Smartmite!
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It’s an old family recipe, kind of like McDonald’s secret sauce.
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From England, madam! The greatest planet on the Earth!!
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What? You’ve got your galaxies mixed up!
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Never! Unless it’s planet England, the greatest universe in the world!!
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For crying out loud! Now I’m astronomically confused.
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You see? THIS is why we have mushy peas. Takes the edge off the confusion.
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Mushy peas would take the edge off a revving chainsaw!
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Correct! A PEAFECT assessment. yeah?
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…..sigh….. you win!!
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Haha, thanjs for the giggles. I quite enjoyed this. That’s true love though, accepting our mates flaws when we would rather send them 6 feet under. A lovely hubby of mind has many, and he is lucky I love him haha – of course I’m no peach myself.
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So long as toenail clippings are kept at a distance, all will be well.
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Next time just throw the egg at him! Forget the whisk!
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Why not throw an egg and a whisk at him!?
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I just thought that he might slip on the egg slime & break is n#$%. It would toe-tally solve the nail clippings problem!
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You might as well just punch him in the face. Saves a load of effort.
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That would be assault! She could get charged! Slipping on a yolk would be on him; an accident!
Next thing I know you’ll be suggesting the chainsaw.
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Well, “assault” technically. But you can always plead insanity or claim you were sleepwalking.
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Hmm, I do have a case history of sleepwalk eating, but eggs & whisks are not. involved!
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Sounds dangerous. But also look a fun novelty restaurant if you could turn that into sleepwalk cooking.
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And maybe all the customers could be sleepwalk eaters!
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Or just drunk. Either way is fine.
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true!
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