How Your Employees Should Sit at Their Desks at Work

An employee slouching at his desk at work
“Stop slouching, you idiot, and sit up straight! It’ll help you delineate within the spheres of ideation!”

If you’re in an office environment, then you need to ensure your employees sit at their desks in the best possible manner. Otherwise, they may destroy their spines.

As such, it’s essential you establish an extensive workplace sitting manual, accompanied with tedious lectures to drill this elementary information into your employees’ brains.

This guide explores the nature of sitting at work, including how to avoid certain death scenarios through office chairs and staff members.

The Dangers Present With Workplace Sitting

As with handstands at work, health and safety is a major priority for anyone from your workforce looking to sit down during their working day.

The process of sitting down at, for example, a desk is surprisingly complicated. The process an employee needs to follow includes:

  • Getting up in the morning.
  • Having breakfast (such as kippers).
  • Getting dressed.
  • Setting off to work.
  • Arriving at work.
  • Making small talk with colleagues.
  • Getting a brew.
  • Arriving at a specific desk.
  • Sitting down on the chair next to the desk.

That’s a hellishly complicated process fraught with danger. Some of the common errors employees make with this include:

  • Failing to arrive at work (due to a hangover etc.) and not sitting in their desk at all.
  • Sitting down at the wrong desk.
  • Sitting down at their desk but missing their chair, doing their back in during this mishap.
  • Sitting incorrectly on the chair and impaling themselves with certain aspects of the chair.
  • Whizzing around on the chair dead fast until they pass out and puke.

Arguments can also erupt about whose chair is chair, which can result in employee fisticuffs and other tomfoolery.

As such, you’ll need to adhere to the Sitting Down At Work Act 1970.

This details how employees can arrive at work and safely lower themselves into their seat, all without suffering life threatening injuries.

Correct Workplace Sitting Procedures

Use the Act to determine how your employees sit at work. In your company policy, you should first address the types of chairs you want to use in your office.

You may want to use a normal work chair, kneeling chair, treadmill desk, and/or some disturbing hybrid of all three.

After this, explain in your policy what you want your employees to do. You may want to state the following:

“Once you arrive at work, locate the chair you will be sitting on for the next eight or so hours and place your behind into the seat. Then commence work.

You may alight from the chair in the event you need to get a cup of tea, or go to the toilet. However, you are welcome to foul yourself if this means you can remain seated and working.

Only abandon your chair for the day upon the resolution of your working day. Also called ‘home time’. After this, you may disrespect and demolish your chair as much as you wish before you leave.

Just be aware you’ll need to sit on it again the following day (unless its the weekend, but then you’ll be sitting back on it on Monday anyway—unless you are fired).

Ultimately, chairs are dangerous implements that can lead to severe injury and/or death. So it is essential to park your backside into them with caution.”

Another key note is to remember how employees seat themselves, so you should also address posture in the workplace.

Points on Posture

The sight of an employee slumped over dead in their seat is common in offices across the world.

Most employees, on inspection, aren’t dead. They just have appalling postures, hunched forward or down in their seat like a slug.

To stop this visual abomination, you need to address bad postures. One way to do this is with a straitjacket.

Simply insert problematic posture employees into a straitjacket at the beginning of the working day, ensuring they at least try to sit normally.

Failing that, sack any staff members who refuse to sit up straight.

They represent your business. And if they’re doing it hunched over in their seat, it means they’re dissing you out.

2 comments

  1. I had a coworker who once appeared with an exercise ball at work, claiming he would now sit on it because it would be better for his posture/back. And so he did for a while.

    A few months later he forgot about his exercise ball, set up his PC on an elevated piece of furniture, and said he would work standing up. And so he did for a while.

    I guess I should forward this guide to him, the dude seemed quite confused with this sitting at work thing. Who knows how he is “sitting” now that he is working from home.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I had a similar colleague do that with the ball, but it was due to her pregnancy. So I believe your friend is in serious need of this guide. Get him to print it out and memorise the thing. His back will thank him.

      Liked by 2 people

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