ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Do you like data? Then we’re the data processing business run by certified LUNATICS!
YES, THAT’S RIGHT! WE HANDLE YOUR DATA PROCESSING NEEDS WHILE IN THE THROES OF BEING STARK RAVING MAD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Data Done Dead Well
You haven’t seen data processed like this since the Great Data Processing War of 2011!
But don’t just take OUR word for it! Here’s our local customer and CEO of Psycho Ken’s Cooking Oil Recovery Team:
“I needed my business’ data processing. So I called Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing to get the job done. Doreen arrived within the hour dressed as Niles Crane from Frasier and proceeded to do therapy at all of our computers. She soon lost her temper and started smashing the computers to bits with her fists and that caused a fire and my premises burned to the ground. Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing was very good at paying compensation for this error. I highly recommend Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing service.”
YOU SEE!? Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing is the WORLD’S LEADING data processor (based on a pure INSANITY rating).
How do we know Doolally Doreen is off her rocker? She had an assessment and was observed to be:
- Erinaceous: Someone who is like, or resembling, a hedgehog. Doolally Doreen doesn’t think she is a hedgehog, but she does have a remorseless stare penetrating enough to make grown men cower in terror.
- Struggling With Erin Envy: Doolally Doreen is highly envious of women with the name Erin. She likes this name a lot, but is unable to change her name due to being too insane to write her signature at the deed poll station.
Please note, if you’re called Erin you really shouldn’t use our business. Doolally Doreen will not at all be happy to see you.
As for everyone else, this is how it works!
You need some data processing?! GUESS WHAT!? WE CAN PROCESS THAT DATA! And we do it in a CRAZIER way than anyone else in the world! GUARANTEED! Here’s how…
Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing Hysterical Laughter Guarantee!
Doolally Doreen’s personal promise is to ensure berserk, uncontrollable, unnerving laughter for EVERY SINGLE customer!
Here’s Doolally Doreen’s statement IN WRITING:
“I’ll personally march up right into your face and begin shrieking with laughter like a goddamn maniac. Free of charge! Please note, this may go on for several minutes. Simply observe, enjoy, and feel free to join in with the merriment!”
Please note, DO NOT feel free to join in with the merriment. Doolally Doreen gets a bit jittery if you do so and can start smashing you with her fists.
Depending on her mood, she can then succumb to what we call her “Lovable Frenzy” where she’ll pummel you without mercy for up to an hour. All while laughing with an intensity Beelzebub would be proud of!
If you’d like to waive your right to our Hysterical Laughter Guarantee, inform us during the booking process. You must also observe the below legal disclaimer:
“I hereby comprehend, as in that I understand, that I do not wish to have the COMPLETELY FREE bout of Hysterical Laughter Guarantee that is guaranteed by Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing. I acknowledge this is due to me being a miserable bastard. As such, I hereby must forfeit an extra 50% of my finances towards Doolally Doreen’s Demented Data Processing to cover the cost of wasted preparation time of Doolally Doreen working herself into a state of deranged hysteria.”
The extra charge will be added to your bill during the checkout. You bastard.