The Wire Fairies Are Out To Get You

Wire Fairies (also known as little people) live in the woods.

You know when you put your earphones down and then pick them up three minutes later, yeah, and an unknown force has twisted them into some cryptic maze the likes of Einstein would not be able to untangle in 17,000 years? Doesn’t this just make you want to punch someone in fury at the sheer injustice of the world?!?!?!? No matter what solutions you try there is no way to avoid this most tragic fate. So what is doing this? Surely a being of colossal hatred of humanity! Well here at Professional Moron we’ve come up with evidence which proves this crime is being committed by – Wire Fairies. “OMG!” you scream in terror! And rightly so, for ’tis enough to make any decent individual foul themselves in terror!

So, harken onwards into the dank depths of today’s post for revelations which will turn your hair pink, your eyes grey, your eyebrows yellow, and your stomach will do that thing when it’s hungry and groan loudly. Indeed!

————————

Yurr. What our very own Mr. Wapojif did, right, was set up a 24 hour CCTV system in the Professional Moron office, in his bag (where he keeps his iPod shuffle), in his flat, and in his apartment block. He also tried to set CCTV cameras up in his neighbour’s flats, as well as in the local supermarket, but was accused of being “weird” and “a psychopath” upon enraged caterwauling on his part. Still, he needn’t have worried as the evidence he discovered proves the existence of devious Wire Fairies.

Soon to resemble a chaotic maze of lunacy.
Soon to resemble a chaotic maze of lunacy.

Unfortunately he lost the video evidence of this, so you’ll just have to take his word for it, but whenever you place your earphones down a Wire Fairy (sometimes two or three, but usually one) will emerge and manipulate the earphones into a tangled mess. Their task is successful if the owner of the earphones, whilst attempting to untangle the mess, either;

1- Has an emotional breakdown,

2- Assaults someone in utter fury,

3- Loses control of their bodily functions,

or finally…

4- Smashes several things in a temper tantrum.

This is the life of the Wire Fairy. Fear them, for they are now forthwith for what they may.

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