Exclusive Recipe: Cake Soup!

Matcha and Redbean cake. Get it in the blender!

It’s fair to say most people like cake (even though we shouldn’t as, you know, it’s a bit on the Morbidly Obese side of things), and plenty more people like soup. And why? As soup is epic! As always in this insane, fascist world some hypocritical dunce has never had the foresight to splice these two diet mainstays together! And why? Presumably as no one has had the out-and-out swagger of delivering such as dastardly feat. Yes, Cake Coup wouldn’t necessarily be good for you, but then neither is cabbage, and we still all eat that anyway, right?

So, to make Cake Soup you’ll need a cake (bake one yourself, or buy one from a local shop/supermarket) and stuff it into a blender. Add a packet of shop purchased Chicken Stock and then (with the blending lid firmly back on the blender) whisk the blender so it blends the ingredients together in the blender. Blend. This is Stage #1 completed; empty the blended contents into a pan. Stage #2 involves chopping up a selection of vegetables. We can recommend; carrots. Tomatoes are also welcome. Next up it’s best to add some form of protein – we feel haggis would be a good bet as it doesn’t complain much and it’s mega-hearty. However, if you’re concerned it’s not meaty enough then you can always stuff a shank of beef into the mix! And why not? So, Stage #3 involves heating the Cake Soup on FULL power for ten minutes; make sure the whole mix is frothing and bubbling quite wildly for the majority of this time. Season accordingly; we can recommend double cream, whipped cream, jam, and black pepper. Stage #4 – VIOLA (this is not a typo)! Cake worthy of a King. “Which King?” you might ask. Henry VIII, alright?

Dispense with some gibberish!

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