It’s been a few years since Breaking Bad closed its doors due to most of the cast of characters being dead. Calling it quits when you’re ahead of the game is always a good idea, though, which is why, in 10 years time, we’ll still be here reeling off posts which really scrape the barrel of public decency. Almost as bad as, say, harvesting crystal meth and selling it to make moolah, huh?

Breaking Bad was awesome, though, and really hit its full peak in Season 5, with the final few episodes offering an emotional rollercoaster which could, likely, only be matched by going cold turkey off crystal meth. Then there’s the good old line: “I am the one who knocks!” – but what if he’d said something different?

I am the one who knocks!

Here’s the original, which is pretty forceful and shows Walter White has descended into a power crazy maniac. Not even Walt Disney could solve this one with a funny movie or “bwarp, bwarp, bwaaaarrp” after the moment. Ship just got real, yo.

I am the one who likes socks!

Okay, Walt, if you say so! You’re the crazed sociopath. We’re just saying, though, it’s a bit totalitarian and fascistic and evil of you to say you’re the only one who is allowed to like socks. We like socks as well. Please don’t take that away from us.

I am the one who knocks stuff over!

Okay, Walt, we’re not surprised, what with all those crystal meth fumes you’re breathing in.

I am the one who rocks!

Hardly, mate, that’s much more Pinkman’s area, but you continue on with your delusions if it makes you happy.

 I am the one who locks (the front door every night)

That’s nice. What a doting husband he is. Dawwww.

I am the one!

Really? Well, that’s just a tad narcissistic of you to think so, dude. Keanu Reeves already proved you wrong in the Matrix, anyway.

I am the one who wears crocs!

Look, you’re the maniac drug dealer – you wear whatever you want. Maybe as socks mean so much to you, get those on with the crocs as well, yes?

I am the one who knock knocks, “Who’s there?”, An anti-social drug dealer with a gun, “An anti-social drug dealer with a gun who?”, Just give me your cash, or die! etc.

Dropping in a joke might have kept Skyler and Walt on better terms, non?

I am the one who mocks!

Mocks who, exactly? Gus Fring? What do you call him, “Gus Fringe” as he’s gradually balding? That’s a low blow, sir.

I am the one whom knocks!

For a man of Walter White’s intelligence, this is a tad more prim and proper.

I am the one who buys schlock!

No kidding, squire, have you seen the furniture in the White household? It’s a bloody disgrace.

I am the one who keeps rocks!

One of the stranger hobbies out there, but whatever keeps you happy, lad.

I am the one who squawks!

A blatant lie as at no point in the show does Walter White squawk. The man is mad.

I am the one who woks!

As is cooks with a wok, which is pretty cool of him. We like woks. We really should buy one.

I am the one with dreadlocks!

Another one of his delusions right here. You don’t even have any hair, man!

I am the one with writer’s block!

Yeah, well that’s no reason to go off making illegal drugs, is it, Walt?

And finally…

I am the one who eats chalk!

Erm… fine. Walter White and you’re bloody lunacy, you can take a highroad to Hell for all we care.