Space is vast. Confusing. Massive. Weird. Bereft of McDonald’s Happy Meals. It’s also perfect for cinema! The Professional Moron staff went to see Gravity yesterday – the film of the moment. It’s got George “Y’oreet?” Clooney and Sandra “Feck!” Bullock in it. Innit. So, two genius astronauts with super attractive film star looks. Not quite buying it, but the actual aesthetics are going on in the background.
Space itself is a mysterious thing. Think of it like a donkey; it’s just sort of there. It doesn’t do much, you think of it as a grumpy, potentially violent beast, but as it’s been around so effing long it’s now stabalised and is fairly dormant. If this analogy doesn’t sway you, then think of space as a Pez Dispenser. It’s not something you can grasp hold of as a kid (your power crazy parents wield it over you as a bargaining tool), but you plot to use one all the time as an adult. Now you’re an adult, and you don’t. You wouldn’t even be able to locate one in a massive supermarket without asking for some working class scumbag shop assistant to locate the appropriate aisle for you. Plus, let’s face it, few adults know how Pez Dispensers even work. Much like Space – it’s there, yet we don’t know how it works. Our best guess; it’s about vacuum cleaners, black holes (which are made out of glue), orbits (perhaps a type of Oreo cookie?), big distances (like needing to drive somewhere instead of walking), and infinity (which Buzz Lightyear knows all about). Anyway, we’ll state here we’re not going to fling in any spoilers about Gravity. Onward, comrades!