What’s Better: Pomegranate Or Granite?

Cripes… it looks like something from an Alien movie.

Today Professional Moron has (and have) been mulling over what is better out of the food stuff pomegranate and the other unpalatable food stuff granite. The former is a fruit which contains little berries which are like fruit gems, the letter is a common type of felsic intrusive igneous rock of granular and phaneritic texture.

According to the webpage where we did our granite research, “Granite is nearly always massive”. Whilst this may be reassuring to granite enthusiasts, as a culinary experience it leaves much to be desired.

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Indie Game Awesomeness: SteamWorld Dig!

SteamWorld Dig
It’s the crrrrrrrritically acclaimed SteamWorld Dig, yo!

A quick post this evening about awesome Indie game SteamWorld Dig which Professional Moron has loved playing upon over the last year. It’s one addictive SOB – you play as protagonist Rusty, a mining steamboat, who goes on an epic digging journey deeper into the ground, uncovering secrets and gems along the way.

As the player you trade these gems to develop your skills and abilities, so it’s a Metroidvania romp of the highest calibre! It sure is, too, as it’s addictive and damn good fun. Albeit a brief one as it’s all over in under two hours (if you’re good), but who cares when it’s this awesome? We urge you to hunt this done, download it on the cheap, and get lost in an atmospheric world of manic mining. Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie.

Why Do Cats Purr? Check Out Our Genuinely Insane Theories!

“I’m not impressed with your stupid bloody theories…” purred cat monster.

Cats and purring. Purring and cats. It were in the news t’other day – the cat with the loudest purr on Earth (as loud as a dishwasher) resides in London and purrs loudly. “Impossible!” you might say, “That’s what they want us to think! Bloody nanny state!” But there’s a YouTube clip to prove it, so shut up fool!

Despite this brilliance it’s still unknown why cats do the purring. Growing up and owning cats as a younger version of yourself it’s easy to presume it’s a noise of contentment. Renowned scientists such as Dr. Fred Gangrene (who may, or may not, be fictionalised) have stated purring may be (and maybe) some kind of restoration process. The low frequency can heal bones, wounds, and muscle atrophy (which is why NASA may use them for astronauts returning from space).

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Exclusive New Food: rIce Cream!

Ice Cream
Ice Cream, as the legend goes, was invented by Margaret Thatcher. Truth!

Rice is a pretty standard food staple. We’re willing to bet every human being who has ever lived tasted rice at some point. It goes with every meal imaginable: jam on toast, toast, Kellogg’s Cornflakes, marmite, Fish & Chips, and probably even rhubarb and custody! It’s a medical marvel the likes of which the Royal Institute of Ballet can never lay claim to. For shame!

Now it’s almost summer (well, it’s officially a month off – summer starts on June 21st and lasts, in England, for about two weeks) we think brown rice (and it has to be brown rice – anyone who prefers white rice is a freak of nature) should merge with a famous summer staple to make a new Super Staple. Hurrah!

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How To Tell The Thyme

How to tell the time.
As you can see, this clock is red. This means it’s a Commie SOB!!

How to tell the time. Or, rather, How To Tell The Thyme. Without thyme we’d all be confused about what thyme of day it is – literally. Think about it. Think again. Now you’ve got a disconcerting hypothetical consideration of this, imagine waking up at 5am instead of 6am and going into work. That would be a flagrant waste of thyme!

Worse, then, imagine arriving at work and Bill the Janitor is still there mopping the vomit off the aisles (imagine also you work in a supermarket for the purposes of this blog post about thyme). He’d laugh at you, “What yerr feckin’ doin’ ear at diss thyme?! LOL!” he’d chortle. You’d say “Damn and blast it!”, you would.

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Join The Great Flip-Flop Fashion Debate!

Some flip-flops are known to set out on their own once their owners ditch them.

Flip flops. This is onomatopoeic fashion in action – a shoe named after the stupid noise it makes. We find it offensive! There is, however, more to the flip-flop than meets the brain. Fashion accessory aside, they double up as a man feet odour worseners (a real word), and are the current darling of the fascist Hipster movement.

Hipsterism exploded into fashion a few years back. It’s about being an individual, liking cult stuff, and being of one’s own mind, whilst simultaneously being another collective mainstream fashion statement to adhere to. To be a Hipster all one needs is a big man beard (especially if you’re a woman), a granddad jumper, ultra-skinny skinny jeans, flip-flops, and a constant denial of being a Hipster. Bless.

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In The Name Of Fabulous Fashion Friday: The Reni Hat

Reni hat
Behold the Reni Hat! Pictures courtesy of John-Squire.com

We don’t go on about fashion as we don’t know anything about it. Our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, dresses in nothing but pink speedos and a tea stained yellow pullover. He gets some odd looks.

One almighty fashion moment of brilliance he has committed to since 2002 (when he first acquired the only one he still has) is the Reni Hat. Reni is the legendary drummer for The Stone Roses – the man with the disturbing drumming genius which had him dubbed as “ten Keith Moons in one” and for playing the drums “like Hendrix played the guitar”. Yes, we’re big fans.

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