UuuuhhhHHHhhh…. it’s The Walking Dead!!!!

A zombie.
A zombie.

“What’s The Walking Dead?”, you may well ask us. Answer: it’s a TV show. There are many of them, but this one has a habit of pulling 20 million viewers an episode. AMC (perhaps most notorious for the legendary Breaking Bad) have another massive hit on their hands here. What’s it about?  The Walking Dead is about zombies. It casually plagiarises 28 Days Later, inserts a bunch of largely idiotic characters, dollops in a load of moronic soap opera drama, flings in more zombies, adds squelching gory violence (comically so), and mixes it all with a Deep Saaaath American accent. Except the show’s protagonist, Andrew Lincoln, is actually a Londoner.

There’s a lot of weird stuff going on, then, but the good news is it all works. It should be rubbish, and veers towards the bins occasionally, but from Season 2 onwards a big script hike and endless action has made this The Best Show On TV (now Breaking Bad has finished). We wax lyrical below about why this show cuts the musty mustard, what it means for Zombie/Human relations, and why you’d want a portable cabbage patch during a zombie apocalypse.

The Concept

The Four Existential Precursors. Nietzsche, for instance, wrote often of his fondess for zombie films (such as 28 Weeks Later).
The Four Existential Precursors. Nietzsche, for instance, wrote often of his fondess for zombie films (such as 28 Weeks Later). Whereas Kafka preferred Michael Jackson’s Thriller video (as noted in 1915’s The Metamorphosis).

The Walking Dead is about zombies and charactisation. You’ll get to know the protagonists, antagonists, agonists, and agony aunts, all of whom make up the, typically, 42 minute episodes. Everything is about survival, moral duplicity (whatever this is), swearing, confusing accents (“he deeeeeeeed coz he bin biiiiiyyiiiiiiit”), accusing everyone of being “biiiiiiiiiiiyiiit”, violence, and huge amounts of existentialism. This could be the most existential show ever, regardless of some of the religious character’s mutterings. Thinking about it, the only way this show could be any more based on the absurd is if it were renamed The Walking Existentialism. But this would be a stupid title.

Main Cast

Rick Grimes

Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln), the one on the left. Dunno who the dude on the right is.
Rick Grimes (aka Andrew Lincoln), the one on the left. Dunno who the dude on the right is.

Also known as Simon from Channel 4 series Teachers, and Andrew Lincoln. We last knew this individual as he bumbled his way through life as a hopelessly romantic, meandering 20 something English teacher. 12 years on he’s moved to America, adopted a local accent, and picked himself up a wife and kid. He’s now a copper, so we’re presuming he’s been moved under some witness protection act. Whatever’s going on, he is the leader of The Group (the name of the motley group of survivors, as they’re a group, see?) as he’s the least insane. Or most insane. Whatever’s going on he makes lots of difficult decisions to remain morally sound, in a world where morals are now obsolete.

Notable attributes: Catchphrase: “Bin biiiiiiiiiiiiyiittttt?”. Hair: Often greasy, slightly greying. Beard: Yes, and often greasy. Wife: Lori. Children: Yes. Any hint of his London roots?: As of yet, no, but we’re presuming sooner or later he’ll let slip in a Cockney Rhyming slang phrase, “Cor blimey, apples and pears, that zombie stinks a right mucker, dancing bears!”. Psychopath Rating: 7/10

Zombies/Walkers/Dead Folk/Stink Fests

A zombie (in the background).

Although not called zombies at any point, this lot most certainly are. Zombies. There are plenty of them, too, and they do all the usual zombie stuff, such as gurgling, and getting themselves killed in inventive ways.

Notable attributes: Cathphrase: “GGGGGyaaaayyyaaahhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAYHaaaaaaa!” etc.

Lori Grimes, Chris Grimes, Shane, T Dog, Daryl, Dale, Glen, Carol, Andrea, Maggie, Hershel, And Others

The regular cast strut their funky stuff.

This lot also populate the show and make up much of the soap opera shenanigans. With this in mind, expect plenty of inner “Group” turmoil and belligerence. Most notable here is Lori; she has become a figure of hate for the show’s fans. Much like Skyler in Breaking Bad, she has a habit of being a relentless pain in the eyebrows. However, Lori is even worse than Skyler due to her habit of forgetting what’s going on, what she’s said to other folk, and generally being a very odd git.

Elsewhere we have redneck Daryl and his brother Merle. The former is one of the show’s most popular characters due to his laid back, un-laid back, anti-heroics, autonomy, hair, and psychotic ruthlessness. AMC also threw in Maggie, who quickly became the show’s leading looker. If you’re a lady you can make do staring at hunks Rick, Shane (if that’s your type of thing), and Daryl. If you’re more about violence then you can enjoy watching the zombies being slaughtered in increasingly brutal ways. If you don’t like zombies… just pretend the zombies are actually football hooligans. Sorted!

Notable attributes: Catchphrases: “Biiiin biiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyiiit?”. Complaining: Lots of it. Affairs and backstabbing: Lots of it. Stupidity: Lots of it.

Claims Of Zombiephobia

Correct.
Correct.

There have been violent demonstrations outside AMC’s headquarters by Zombie Rights Activists regarding the depiction, and treatment, of zombies in the show. Not taking the matter lightly, AMC responded with the following official statement:

“We at AMC appreciate the need for etiquette amongst zombies and brain dead citizens, which is what you PC supporting freaks are.” (NB: We might have made this quote up.) The case continues.

Cabbage

Cabbage and Bacon. This looks like stuff zombies would eat, innit.
Cabbage and Bacon. This looks like stuff zombies would eat, innit.

Our theory for any impending Zombie Apocalypse is to have a portable Cabbage Patch prepared. Hunger is a big theme of the show (much more than The Hunger Games), and, thusly, have a, consequent, cabbage patch on hand 24/7 would be a real life saver. Everyone loves cabbage, right? We certainly do. This possibility proffers up the possibility of possible spin offs when The Walking Dead ends, such as The Walking Cabbage, and The Cabbage Walker, and/or Cabbage Walking Dead. Just an idea AMC, okay? We want the official rights to write this. T’would be such an ace series.

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