Continuing on from yesterday’s perplexity with fibbing fibre, we now contemplate why food companies put germs into wheatgerm. It doesn’t make any sense, frankly, that wheatgerm making companies would willingly (and so openly) add germs to their food product. Literally – openly! They don’t even try to hide it, it’s there in the title. Are they dimwits? Or do they think people are so thick they don’t know what germs are? Now, before we properly get into this, let’s take a look at the unhumble germ. As a kid you may well have been warned about them. “Wash your hands after you’ve been out muck spreading!” etc. The message was hammered home like a hammer hammering home a particularly irritating nail. You remember in woodwork class at school when you hit a nail and it bent slightly, so then it was impossible to get the nail to go straight down so you had to abandon it and just keep whacking until it submerged awkwardly into the wood. That’s what the germ situation was like as a kid – thorough, but unaccomplished.

Wheatgerm is a mighty tasty product with almighty health benefits. It will make your teeth glisten as if they were covered with Super Teeth Glistening Product 64. Other benefits include: shiny hair, shiny eyes, shiny forehead, shiny nose, and shiny chin dimple (if you have one – Luke Skywalker did, so you mere mortals may not). However, the sinister inclusion of germs spoils all this lot and creates a dilemma of sorts. It’s like Bluefin tuna – mighty tasty, but laced with mercury. Do you go in for that and suffer the consequences, or simply stuff your face with Wheat and skip on the Germ? To be honest, we’ve had it with this health stuff. We’re off to McDonald’s to order 17 large fries, extra salt, extra cheese, and a block of butter. Then we’re going home to drink a litre of coca cola. Healthy? No, but at least there are no germs in it! Innit.