Exclusive Invention: The Sink Shower (for personal hygiene and doing the dishes!)

A traditional sink, soon to be revolutionised!

Sinks are great and everything, but they’re only good for doing the dishes. What if you want something a bit more from your sink? Sink developers haven’t ever thought of that, so we’ve spotted a gap in the market, plunged on in, and have developed the sink shower. Yes, it’s a sink and a shower all-in-one!

Personal hygiene is important in an age when you have to look your goddamn best 24/7. Plus, you just know your friends and peers will judge you if there’s so much as a stain on one of your posh plates… so, what does one do about it? Why, save time in your hectic schedule by doubling up in your shower by also doing the dishes! Yes, it’s a chance to get butt naked and get that dauphinoise sauce obliterated from your cutlery. It’s…

The Sink Shower

Simply put, it’s your standard shower space with a sink in the corner of the shower unit. In other words, as you stand facing the shower nozzle getting drenched, the sink is on your immediate right. If you turn your back, you won’t have access to the sink. This is something of a design flaw we’re working on for the Sink Shower 2.0 – if the shower gods cleanse us sufficiently, this will come to fruition (perhaps a second sink?).

In the meantime, you can enjoy the Sink Shower 1.0. How it works is so simple it’ll make you burst into a sweat, consequently supplying you with the perfect opportunity to try out the contraption! Simply get nude and walk into your normal kitchen – take hold of all your dirty dishes and ignore your husband/wife/friends as they react in shock through vocal exclamations such as, “What the hell?! You’ve… you do realise you’re naked, right?!”.

Ignoring those clueless fools, march confidently to your bathroom with your dirty dishes, clamber into the sink shower, dump the dishes in the sink, then set off the shower. As you bathe as per normal, ensure you wash your plates free of ketchup, bits of asparagus, and turmeric stains. The latter are a total SOB to clear off. Not with the sink shower!

Never will you have felt so refreshed in your entire life. End your shower and, after you’ve toweled yourself down, return to the shower unit to get your freshly cleaned dishes. Stride confidently back into your kitchen where your stunned friends will stare aghast at your still nude frame. Rest assured, after you inform them about the sink shower they’ll all be clamouring to get one!

Clogged Drains

Do note, we have found after installing the sink shower the drains have a propensity to clog with bits of food. This, inadvertently, leads to the pipes blocking up and, whenever you shower, water doesn’t wash away and your shower basin will flood fairly rapidly (although it’s quite cute seeing bits of sweetcorn floating about like wee yellow submarines).

The only solution we’ve found for this is to ensure you eat ALL of the bits of food off your plate. Don’t go trying to force bits of leftover potato down the drain, you need to eat that stuff pre-sink shower. However, if necessary, when you see some food floating about in your shower basin just reach on down, pick it up, and eat it. Better in than out, eh?

If you don’t mind your home flooding sporadically, then get in touch with the Professional Moron sink shower fitting team. The contraption costs a mere £1,000 ($1,500) and arrives with a complimentary rubber duck. Our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, will also demonstrate how to use the sink shower for you if you politely ask*.

*NB: You may also have to physically restrain him from getting naked to demonstrate, such is his enthusiasm for the product.


  1. Oh, the visual! I do have a suggestion re clogging drains and floating food bits. Install a food disposal near the drain (or in place of) and flip it on when necessary (electrical shock warning can be placed in very small font at the end of the directions), hike the price up by a few hundred dollars and you’ve got a gold mine here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Eat from the drain? UCH! I’m with Holly. A nice garbage disposal would be fine, and don’t worry about my nudity. Once seen, all will flee, and I will be free. Unless, I could wear a gown.


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