Formed in 2021, Puppies and Punks was an English punk band with a gimmick that grew tiresome fast.
The gimmick? Unlike other popular English punk bands such as The Smug Pistols, here the focus was on adorable puppies.
Music critics noted, with adroit simplicity, the concept of anarchy and bedlam didn’t work overly well when band members had cuddly, wuddly woof dog puppies backing up their angst-laden lyrics of wanton carnage.
But armed with singles such as Pandemonium Puppies, Wild Walkies, and Fetching Frenzies, the band hit the UK’s mainstream (for a brief spell). This is the story of the band.
When Punks Embrace Puppies
“We was just like any other punk band, really. You know—talentless and shit. Basically the same song over and over. I mean I’m thirty nine and, yeah, I dunno… should I have grown out of this phase? Fing is, punk never left me! So I never left punk!
Then one day when I were savaged by some puppies and got me shins and ankles bit up in a park I thought… hang on a fucking minute! This is a gold mine! I rushed home and wrote Pandemonium Puppies in 60 seconds. Boom. Three month later I had a highly self–destructive cocaine habit and the world were me oyster.” Simon Ferocious, lead singer and songwriter for Puppies and Punks
Initially going by the name of Punks and Puppies, after drummer Justin Brutal joined the band he suggested a different name: Puppies and Punks.
The other members included bassist Sadistic Sarah and guitarist Malicious Mike.
To finalise the band’s name they went to the local pub and got really drunk on beer, during which time the 30 somethings revelled in their former teenage angst years and wondered why they didn’t end up overthrowing the British government.
Simon Ferocious told Professional Moron in an exclusive interview:
“By thirty eight I were marketing manager for a toothpaste company in London making reams of cash with ten per cent discounts on toothpaste. Mate, I had all the toothpaste I could eat! But the punk itch were still there.
That’s why we toured. That’s why we was meeting three time a week to rehearse. Really nail them songs down, innit? But Brutal were right. Puppies and Punks were the name, although, ironically, I owned a fully grown dog called Fluffy (my daughter named him) and didn’t have any puppies. Felt a bit weird… but anarchic, too, like I weren’t following normal sociable conventions, what’s the spirit of punk, eh?”
Armed with Fluffy the dog as the punk band’s mascot, who barks at the merest hint of a drum beat, the band stormed the charts with Pandemonium Puppies in March 2022.
It reached #2 (losing out on the top spot only to Taylor Swift’s latest hit, a moving rendition of I’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester) and the band went out to celebrate by drinking a lot of beer in a pub and going home at 9pm for an early night because they were tired.
Notes Sadistic Sarah of this overnight rise to stardom:
“We was, like… WTF? But then I realised Simon is a genius and that’s when it made sense. Problem were I were workin’ in HR for me day job as HR manager but, like, then the boss sees me on TV and I’m, like, yeah I’m Sadistic Sarah. Me boss were like, ‘This reflects poorly on our organisation!’ So I flicked him the middle finger in the true spirit of punk! I then apologised, received a written warning, and faced disciplinary action in order to comply with all future business protocols.”
Others weren’t so lucky in the limelight. Notes Malicious Mike:
“It were fun at first, but then at one gig when the crowd was big, biggest fookin’ gig we’ve done, it were. Before the gig that bastard Fluffy bit me! An’ it fuckin’ hurt! Had to miss the gig. An’ I couldn’t go on BBC Radio 6 because me hand were in a plaster. So they did an acoustic set. But then during the set Fluffy got onto the Marshall stack and pissed all over Simon’s head.
Simon is a genius but even he were, like, lookin’ a bit stumped with that one. Lucky he had all that minty toothpaste to use.”
Simon Ferocious’ unmatchable genius then became apparent with yet more hits—Wild Walkies, Fetching Frenzies, Yip! Yip! Yip!, and the stadium filling anthem Woof!.
These merged with new tracks, including Sit! Siiit! SIIIITT!!! and Who’s a Good Boy, Then? to form the band’s debut album: Puppies and Punks. Sadistic Sarah told us:
“Simon is a genius. He realised the marketing potential were through the roof with the whole dog fing. I were like, ‘Yeah, let’s give away a FREE PUPPY with every album!’ Then the RSPCA got wind of that and was not happy about it. So we had to drop that bit.
Justin then said, in the spirit of punk, there should be a free baggy of dog doo sold with every copy. He trialled that at his local record store in Clapham and was soon arrested.”
Due to this bad press, the album (titled Woof!) tanked and sold a mere 345 copies. So few it left studio executive concerned for the future of the band.
For their part, Puppies and Punks blamed Fluffy.
Fluffy was provided with a chew toy for on-stage performances to preoccupy him, but the dye was cast. The end was in sight for the band.
The Collapse of Puppies and Punks
“The pressure were, like, too much, ya know? I fought to meself, ‘I got to write all them songs about dogs? Always?’ I had a bit of a crisis cos I’m turning forty soon and, like, I’ve got this mortgage to pay and the kids to bring up and Christ I were knackered! You know… like, one pint and I’m shagged out these days! ‘Fook punk!’ I says to meself. Then a fan overheard me saying that and our reputation nose-dived. It were real bad, but to be honest it were for the best. I were in it for the money, anyway, an’ thanks to Pandemonium Puppies I got to score some great cocaine, get me stomach pumped after an overdose, then apologise to me wife. That’s me taste of rock ‘n’ roll, but now I just wanna put me feet up at night and watch Love Island.” Simon Ferocious, lead singer and songwriter for Puppies and Punks
The band disbanded in January 2023. All the members have since returned to their cosy middle-class roles in various organisations to serve as middle managers.
As for Fluffy the dog, it’s said to this day he still enjoys walkies, food time, but deeply resents bath days. Like the true punk that he is.
