Normally we go off on a really weird tangent and start describing some seriously bizarre dishes we’d like.
Not that you should be too snotty about tinned food. Check out Jack Monroe and Tin Can Cook to see why!
But a quick scan through our blog history and you’ll get the idea! So, to mark a bit of a different twist here we have decided to go on an online hunt for some seriously weird foods. The result? Some seriously weird foods.
They can barely be classed as “foodstuffs” if we’re being honest as some of them are exactly the bizarre concoctions we’ve been coming up with.
It kind of makes us think we’ve missed our true vocation in life – our real genius, perhaps, lies not so dormant in the making of repulsive recipes. Let’s all face it—if you want to be a genius in anything then that’s the one you want it in. Be jealous.
Weird Online Foods
Okay, let’s start with the first one you’ve all seen. Pancakes & Sausage On A Stick (Chocolate Chip)!
Interestingly the Jimmy Dean firm fail to specify how many “chocolate chip”(s?) you get. What tops this whole bonanza off for us is that it arrives on its very own stick. Marvellous!
This is some seriously twisted genius, how did they ever manage to come up with this concoction during a board meeting for foods that would sell? And the ultimate decision of stuffing it all on a stick.
Hurray! It’s Pork Brains with Milk Gravy! With a picture of a rose right next to it. One of the symbols of beauty the world over right next to pork brains. We believe t’was Shakespeare who opined, “A rose by any other name would still be next to pork brains!” The prescient old bard had it pretty much spot on we’d say. Congratulations to him! Give that man a Rainbow Star for his notebook.
You got it in one! Canned Roasted Scorpions. Now our main thought when opening this would almost certainly be, “Is the bugger actually dead in there?”
In fact we’d be tempted to leave the tin alone for a good few months just to make sure. The next step, of course, is actually eating the scorpion. It’s not the sort of thing readily available in Manchester, and here at Professional Moron we have eclectic taste in food, but scorpion? From a tin? It would have to be freshly caught that day, thank you.
What do you think of this design so far? We’re trying something new so just stick with us as we’re not changing it now we’re committed.
If it doesn’t work everything will be back to normal tomorrow, we promise from the bottom of our full sized aortic pumps.
So what have we got for you now? Well we’ve had to ramble a bit so we could fit it (the picture) in neatly below, but now you may behold! This is quite possibly the most disgusting thing on this list (yes, we do remember the Pork Brains With Milk Gravy).
Canned Whole Chicken? There really are some sick people out there – to come up with something as depraved as this is truly beyond human reasoning. And just look at that stuff it’s covered in! Slime. Slime on a chicken.
Nothing says “Appetising!” like slime all over a chicken. Mind you, it does beat the ordeal of having to walk or drive for 10 minutes to your local supermarket where you could actually just buy a fresh one of the things.
Mind you, there could be a nuclear war on and so you’d have to have the canned chicken as all the other chickens would be either incinerated or 60ft tall and with murder in their x-ray eyes.
Well we have reached our dramatic conclusion! We’re not really sure what this last thing is or whether it’s from one of the major fast food chains.
What we do know is it looks pretty damn horrible. Anyway, that’s enough from us now as it’s Friday night and we’re going to cook!