Exclusive Invention: The Frog Machine (better than fog machines)

Frog
Want more of these? Then buy the frog machine!

Frogs and fog are intrinsically linked (by nature). Without fog, there would still be frogs, but without frogs there wouldn’t be Kermit the Frog. That’s a nice segue into the world of entertainment, which is full of creative needs. Want a dramatic scene for your horror movie? Better get a fog machine to belch out forgery fog everywhere.

But what if you need frogs? Well, we’ve gone and created the frog machine. This product belches out frogs! They aren’t real frogs – they’re cutting edge AI-driven robot frogs that are spontaneously generated within the frog machine. So, looking to make a film involving those amphibious, ribbiting things? Then you need…

The Frog Machine

For a mere $100,000 the frog machine provides all the frog you need. Make no mistake, you won’t be foggy in the head after buying this product. No. You’ll be froggy in the head. Yeah? That’s if you leave if on overnight and wake up to find 10,000 of the little buggers running riot. Some of them will ribbit their way into your skull. That’s a warning.

We could go into detail about how the frog machine does its incredible thing, but that would reveal trade secrets. The frog machine is, simply put, best thought of as a magical box. You put it on the floor, turn it on, and those green things start hopping out of it.

Okay, then, you might wonder what’s the frogging point of all of this. Well, here are a few uses for the frog machine:

  • Frogs: Do you need frogs? This thing provides them,
  • Frog Machine: Do you need a frog machine? This thing is one!
  • Hate fog?: Do you hate that bloody misty stuff?! Here’s the perfect solution!
  • Indifferent about toads?: This one is for you! No toads in sight.
  • Frothing wildly at the mouth?: Well, head off to hospital to get that sorted out! Sounds a bit nasty. Make sure you buy a frog machine before dialling for an ambulance, you canny consumer!
  • The Frog Song: Any excuse to blast out this classic at any available opportunity!
  • Frogger: Drag out this arcade classic to keep everyone entertained!
  • Less fog: Let’s face it, fog is often annoying and induce severe mobility issues (as well as death due to fog inhalation). The frog machine does away with such peril!

Films

The frog machine was put into production especially for the film industry. So, if you’re a crew member in need of some frogs, here’s a list of classic films that prove everything benefits from frog:

  • The Shawshank Redemption: Why doesn’t Andy Dufresne just use a frog machine to beat the prison guards to death with? An easy escape from prison!
  • Alien: A xenomorph?! LOL! Not so scary when there’s 1,000 frogs leaping about the place. Not even Tom Skerritt’s beard could stop the awesome.
  • My Little Pony: More frogs than ponies, really.
  • Mr. Bean Goes Amphibian: Why hasn’t this bean done yet?
  • Titanic: Surely there would have been more frogs out there in the middle of that freezing cold ocean!? James Cameron – that’s a lack of realism!
  • Raising the Titanic: And when they rose the thing… there were no frogs? Like… WTF!?
  • Braveheart: It’s Scotland, for ****s sake, you want historical realism, Mel Gibson? Where were the frogs!?
  • Jaws: If the names was Frogs… are we talking about the same scare factor here? Quint: “Its got frogs eyes, like a… frog’s eyes.” Brody: “Jesus ****ing Christ!”.

Yeah, that’s it. If you want one just get in touch, will you? The only stipulations we have are:

  • No lizards (for obvious reasons).
  • No Kermit the Frog.
  • English Prime Minister Theresa May may or, may not, buy one. It depends on our mood.

10 comments

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.