As we all know, snow is God’s dandruff, a gusty gale is God’s IBS, rain is God after a night out on the town, and fog is the Almighty’s morning after hangover breath*.
Despite our piece on London’s smog problems the other day, we want to point out fog is rather beautiful to behold. Even if it does smell bad.
*NB: After writing all of this post, it came to our attention we had one praising fog from November 2016. We don’t apologise for this repetition as this post is better than the last one, anyway. Also, YOU try running a satire blog whilst you work full-time, suffer regular alien abductions, and manage 17 kids! All while thinking up great new ideas… *mumble grumble*
Right, so what even is fog? Believe it or not, it’s not God’s bad breath. It is, in fact, a visible aerosol that consists of water vapour that drifts in hot air.
So… it’s like a type of deodorant, sort of, but without the flammable attributes and repulsive stench. Huh.
You typically find fog drifting eerily through the countryside, as if it’s got a social anxiety disorder so steers well clear of city centres.
Not that fog doesn’t descend on cities, it’s just urban smog is usually crammed full off pollution. Not quite the same levels of natural beauty when you’re hacking away with your lungs clogged, is it?
Fog is heavily used in culture, too. Think Arthur Conan Doyle’s Hound of the Baskervilles. Or a Charles Dickens novel or two.
It’s got a big old role in some prehistoric art, too. And by prehistoric, we mean the 19th century.
Check out Nocturne Blue and Gold – Old Battersea Bridge by American artist James Abbott McNeill Whistler. This thing “went live” circa 1872.
Think of any romantic, horror, or whatever film that wanted to ramp up the drama, too. Who you gonna call?
A fog machine production company. Yes, it works particularly well with eerie sci-fi flicks such as Alien.
Not just Ridley Scott films, though, we mean… it can work in anything. Heck, Love Island should drag it in to beef up the show.
So if you want to make a particularly dramatic scene when, say, heart-throb Harry finally gets to kiss beautiful Barbara, turn the fog machine up to 10 and get those two nauseatingly romantic fools coughing and spluttering all over the place.
Either that or they fall over as they can’t see anything. Hah! Young love?! In your face!
Finally, if you want to find out more about fog, there’s the 1980 horror film The Fog. This was one of John Carpenter’s less successful horror jaunts.
Hardly up to the levels of 1982’s The Thing, but its B movie high concept was inhibited it before it even went anywhere.
Although not all fog is terrifying and out to kill you, it’s nonetheless daft and entertaining in its stupidity.