Those stupid working class people, eh? If they weren’t so lazy they wouldn’t be poor! Get a job, you freeloaders! Don’t drain society by asking for more.

It’s that chronic laziness Charles Dickens flagged up. And film adaptations of Oliver Twist did the same. But what if that illiterate Oliver mumbled something else by mistake?

Please, sir, I want some more

And, quite rightly, the bloke gave him a solid wigging about such impertinence. The only thing he got wrong is he didn’t flog Oliver with a whip!

Please, sir, I went some more

As in went to the toilet. Really, at that age you should have basic potty training down, Oliver. Sheesh.

Please, sir, I want more

From our perspective, Twit (sorry, Twist) should have put more forcefulness into his request. You’re not getting anywhere in life by being polite, dear.

I want some more

A bit better, really go all out for it, you stupid working class pleb.

I want more

Getting better, this is a demand that the chef bloke/food spooner outer guy surely can’t refuse, right?

More!

Yeah, cut to the chase. Why be loquacious when you can just demand stuff with a sense of entitlement? But you can still go one step further.

Gimme more, you bastard!

There we are, Oliver. Perfection! Channelling the spoilt brat 2000s magnificently there.

Peas, sir, I want some more

Yes, there’s always more room for peas. Mushy or standard, Mr. Twist?

Please, sir, I want smores

For non-Americans, these are sickly sweet unhealthy sugary things. And, no, Oliver you can’t expect anything like that in poverty-stricken England. Stupid git.

Please, sir, that’s amore

Oliver Twist is a musical, right? They really missed a trick by not working in the 1953 Dean Martin song.

Please, Blur, I want some more

Confused due to malnutrition, Twist believes he’s at a Blur concert in the 1990s. No use begging for an encore in your situation, lad.

Please slur, I want some more

Slurring your words… not a good way to go about getting what you want.

Please, masseur, I want some more

A masseuse is on a strict time limit, lad, you can’t demand more of that. You clearly don’t understand the nature of working shift patterns, you little bastard.

Please, sir, I want more thumbs

My dear Oliver Twist, two is quite enough. Don’t get freedy.

Please, sir, I want scrums more

Doing a rugby scrum around the dinner table is a recipe for disaster. Yeah?

Please, sir, I want some rapport

Well, you’ll get it if you don’t go around begging so much, kid, you bloody annoyance.

Please, sir, I want some liquor

No, that’s off limits. You must be 18 or over in England.

Please, sir, I want some diplomatic corps

Don’t we all, you little shit?

Please, sir, I want some gore

No. Gruel is all you’re worthy of, Twist. If you want “gore”, then watch some horror film on Netflix, kid.

Please, sir, I want to be a prisoner of war

That’s… why, exactly? Being a POW isn’t much better than being a poverty-stricken orphan, young one.

Please, sir, I want to join the Peloponnesian War

You’re too young, lad, just stick to doing what you do best. Getting rich sorts to stuff you up their chimney and sweep away.

And finally…

Please, sir, I want Ecuador

That’s a ridiculously extravagent request, Mr. Twist, stick to demanding things such as porridge. Don’t exceed your capabilities!