Remember that Gabriel García Márquez novel 100 Years of Solitude (1967)? Well, here’s the belated 21st century equivalent sequel… 100 Years of Being Sued!

This long-awaited sequel has it all! Legal cases for the most inane reasons stretching out for 100 years. As it’s not true democracy unless someone can sue someone else if one person calls another a “pillock”.

Thus, join us for this look at an epic 700 page, 350,000 word ramble about the nature of being sued all the time.

Lowbrow Lawsuits in 100 Years of Being Sued

100 Years of Solitude follows the Buendía family in Macondo, where they undergo a hundred years of trials and tribulations.

100 Years of Being Sued is about the Smith family, a clan of hapless lawsuit magnets who are constantly being sued for everything from slip-and-falls to copyright infringement. Other legal issues including:

• Being drunk and disorderly.
• Arson.
• Causing an affray.
• Sedition.
• Piddling in the street.
• Gobbing on pavements.
• Not having gravy with fish & chips.
• Not thanking the bus driver when alighting a bus.

As soon as the work launched its front cover caused issues with literary enthusiasts. Those pompous fools accused the publisher of being LOWBROW.

Can you imagine? The affront of it all!

Indeed, fans of Marquez were livid and accused the writer of this sequel, Mr. John Smith from Bolton of Greater Manchester, of breaking the law. This in itself is ironic given the nature of the book title he’d chosen.

When quizzed why he’d decided to debase and defame a great work of literature he responded on his blog:

“shuddup i just write books me and so if uve got a problem go back home cryin to your mummy like i care lol 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂”

There have been calls to remove the book from Amazon, where it launched as an ebook for 1 pence. Mr. Smith has so far made a profit of £4.56. He intends to spend the money on legal costs. Stating on his blog:

“reckons with this income ill be living in bermuda before i can say ‘fak of u wokey scumbags’ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂”

However, excerpts from the novel reveal Mr. Smith isn’t much of a writer:

“The Smith family was cursed with a knack for getting sued. It all started with the patriarch, John Smith, who was sued by the government for refusing to pay his taxes. He lost the case and his house was seized. His wife, Freda Smith, was then sued by her neighbour for slander. She also lost the case, and her cow was taken away. From that day on, the Smiths were constantly being sued left, right, and centre from all manner of freeloading bastards.

Mr. Smith was even sued this one time because some socialist scumbag said punching him in the face were ‘wrong’ and this is where freedom of speech is under attack of my days…”

Mr. Smith has denied the work is in any way autobiographical and insists he wrote it simply out of his “love” for writing that’s indebted to decades of reading tabloid newspapers.

That’s despite many of the legal cases linking directly to his recent court cases. However, we believe Mr. Smith is a good man and trust him at his word.

In DEFENCE of 100 Years of Being Sued

Whilst 99% of critics savaged the work, we at Professional Moron loved it! We know best, after all, and we’re going to fling some big words around to prove our point.

The abstruse and grandiloquent hifalutin obsequiousness of the sententious and supercilious portent within the delineated qualia-based frameworks of, per se, magniloquent prescience are the hallmark of this most splendiferous work.

Any cretin who negates such lofty excellence is a… cattywumpus bumfuzzle stupid face! And a big old doodoohead!

Collywobbles and, golly gosh, a removal of cucumber sandwiches rights to any Brit who denies the excellence of brouhaha and absquatulate brobdingnagian bloviate.

In short, any who disagrees with the genius of this work is a nincompoop.