Only Fools and Horses remains one of the UK’s best loved sitcoms. But did you know that there was a reality TV show called Only Pools and Horses!?

This aired for one series in the summer of 2001 to compete with Channel 5’s bizarre Touch the Truck.

In this outing, aired on Channel 6, the show focussed on a group of horses and their activities around three pools maintained on-set for them to interact with. It was a dismal failure and ruined the careers of many TV execs.

When Reality TV Jumped the Shark With Only Pools and Horses

The show aired at 9pm and each episode lasted an hour. There were 17 episodes in the first series. As the show’s press released from June 2001 stated:

“Channel 6 is thrilled to announce the arrival of what will be a hilarious, entertaining, and profound reality TV show that will set new boundaries for what is possible for reality TV to achieve on television. This show will be so remarkable we expect the Oscars to create an entire new award category to accommodate for this moving, funny, and riveting televisual enterprise.”

Many viewers tuning in were left deeply disappointed by the shallow nature of the swimming pool-based concept. One critic noted the show drowned in its own self-importance:

“After watching this high concept reality TV show, the titular Only Pools and Horses, one is left with the overbearing realisation that the concept, as it is, and were, is more ideally suited to a shower-based format. Perhaps that would get the horses to do something.”

Channel 6 angrily rejected this review and issued a press release calling the journalist a “bastard” and calling for his immediate imprisonment. The police rejected this request.

Thus, as the series continued the critical mauling continued.

The horses stood around the pools not doing much. Occasionally one would take a peek at its reflection in the water. But it wasn’t until episode 10 that the showstopping moment took place.

One horse… fell into POOL THREE.

This incident led to an immediate surge in viewing figures from episode 11, but little of interest took place until episode 14 of 17. In a desperate bid to save the show, producers introduced new and increasingly insane water-based attractions in an attempt to get the horses to do something.

The Reality TV Show Equivalent of Butterfly Stroke

To try and boost ratings, the final three episodes of this dismal reality TV show included a:

• Shower
• Jacuzzi
• Sauna
• Bidet
• Water slides

The horses showed little interest in any of them, up until episode 16 when one (Gerald) demolished the bidet in a bad tempered frenzy of chomping, gnashing teeth. Episode 17 also briefly featured the horses stampeding, but this was only at the end of the show when they were let out of the TV set.

It’s believed that, to this day, the horses are still stampeding (and the pools still have water in them).

Sadly, the bidet was beyond repair and thrown in a tip.

Additionally, the show was cancelled by September 2001. Its budget of £25 million was widely criticised by the UK media, politicians, and horse enthusiasts. Many of the crew responsible for the show never worked in TV again. One even went to jail for petty theft in 2019.

Such is the appalling legacy of Only Pools and Horses. A terrible, terrible show that thought it’d be front crawl, but ended up being butterfly stroke.