The TV series Alien Earth is on Disney+ right now and, it’s fair to say, we don’t make much of it. Several episodes of its core concept (kids in adult bodies dealing with Xenomorphs) is starting to drag a tad.
It got us thinking about what the show SHOULD have been.
Thus, we’ve come up with Alien Down to Earth. This could’ve starred Arnold Schwarzenegger as a down to earth sort of Xenomorph, one who is friendly, practical, and pragmatic. And you just know you’d watch that, right?
Chilled Out Practicalities in Alien Down to Earth
The focus of this series is an orderly alien, called Xen Xenomorph (played by Schwarzenegger), and his facehugger friends (of which there are many thousands). His best facehugger mates are:
- Clive
- Jeff
- Maggie
- Fog
These four were determined to attach themselves to the faces of things, but Xen taught them the ways of Buddhist philosophy and stoicism. Now, the facehuggers wanted a life as pure and free as that of a daisy—they live only to be nice (in a kind of sickly sweet sort of way).
After travelling 125 gazbuzzillion lightyears, Xev arrives on Earth in his spaceship. With Clive, Jeff, Maggie, and Fog in tow, he integrates into Earth society by taking up residence in a small flat in Bolton of Greater Manchester. He gets a job as a shelf stacker in a local supermarket, with his facehuggers taking to busking in Manchester city centre as the skiffle group The Facehuggers.
After three years of this (across two seasons of boring plot developments and mundane life depictions), Xev has gained a lot of weight, has a Xenomorph beer belly, and is in an unhappy marriage with the hairdresser Barbara (62).
The Facehuggers band has failed and is, also, facing xenophobic attacks from easily outraged right-wingers who don’t like their terrifying appearance.
All this would make AMAZING TV, of course, up until about season three when the studio would have enough, cancel the series, and the woke mob and feminism would be blamed for its dismal failure.
The Facehuggers: Spin-Off Debut Album
Following the failure of the show, studio execs desperate to make as much money as possible from Alien Down to Earth release a debut album for The Facehuggers.
This is a mixture of covers and new songs. The eponymous debut includes numbers such as I’m a Believer (“Then I saw her face” causing the facehuggers to fight every primal urge to attach themselves to audience members) and various covers from The Small Faces’ album Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake.
The album received a physical launch in August 2025 with the cover shaped like a facehugger attempting to attach itself to a victim.
Due to the terrifying appearance of the album, only 20 people bought it.
Its commercial failure led studio execs to blame feminism and the woke mob, citing “precious snowflakes” as the reason why no one wanted to buy an album of squealing noise and death throes.
However, the NME gave the album 5/5 and called it:
“The best album since The Smiths did the massively overrated The Queen is Dead. This album is a bit like that, but with more squealing and screaming.”
