“London pigeons [have] more atheltic prowess than me!” Prince William

London pigeons are ace.

Completing a trilogy of Royal blog posts we have this unusual announcement from Prince William, husband to Kate Middleton. Attending the “Our Great Team” Olympic gala, Prince William soon gave a speech where he quipped, “There are London pigeons with more atheletic prowess than me!” This was met with a very voluble “LOL!!!!” from the gathered audience. What a spiffing time everyone is having! Nevermind the prejudiced remark towards London pigeons, it would be interesting to know what a generation of unemployed university graduates makes of the government’s £24 billion expenditure on the games (which the students will spend the rest of their lives paying for), they can at least take terrific heart in the knowledge that the gathered crowd applauded as Prince William and his wife made their way to their seats.

A London sign being monitored by a pigeon, who has also managed to drench it in excrement.

In the meantime, out on the streets, a million pigeons go about their patriotic duty; crapping all over London. We have nothing against these birds, even though some see them as “rats with wings”. We actually find them mildly amusing as they go about their duties, and vaguely cute. Rats are big disgusting things, pigeons are cool. However, having had a family of them live in our roof once we know just how noisy the little balls of fluff can be. The Olympics had better be ready as there is going to be a lot of rubbish dumped as the world’s media/spectators descend upon the capital, and the pigeons are going to be in there feasting like plague ridden zombies.

So what does one do about the pigeon issue? Snot a lot, we’re afraid, snot a lot. However, seeing as they allegedly do have some Olympic prowess we’ll have a look at some of the events they could perform:

London Pigeons invading Trafalgar Square in…. London.

1. Dawdling – Pigeons are really great at just sort of hanging around not doing much. This could be turned into an Olympic event; the pigeon who is the most boring gets Gold!

2. Excrement – Yes, pigeons create a lot of it. This could be a team event to see how much crap each competing group can create. Kind of like the relay event we human beings have.

3. Coo – Pigeons make quite a mellow cooing noise. They can compete for Gold to see who has the most relaxing coo.

4. Mate – They do a lot of this as well. A joint event for couples, each marriage competes to see how many baby pigeons they can create.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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