Sandwiches – 250 Years Young!

The Fourth Earl of Sandwich also enjoyed collecting his toenail clippings.

T’was John Montagu who ordered beef within two breaded baps some 250 years ago that triggered off a global love affair. He was the fourth Earl of Sandwich and his hungry belly must be praised for creating one of the best convenience foods out there. Let’s face it – we all love a good sandwich. Even the worst chef in the world can just about sling together a half decent one, and the myriad of fillings one can go for is impossibly vast. Almost as incomprehensible as the endless fathoms of space!

The first record of the sandwich emerged in 1762 in Kent. Kent is in England and is the home of upper class snobs who converse with mannerisms such as; “I say!”, “Golly gosh!”, “Do not be bloody ridiculous!”, and, “Well… I… NEVER!” We should imagine that all of these phrases were used when Mr. Montagu picked up the sandwich and stuffed it into his hungry face, as using your hands to eat back then was considered “daring”. Outstanding, sir!

This is offically called The Stupid Sandwich. Ace.

Naturally such easy access to food has lead to chronic obesity problems, and sandwiches aren’t quite as healthy these days as you might expect. Salt and fat content tends to be very high indeed. Best advice? Make your bread and sandwiches! Don’t have the know how or the time? Then continue to clog your arteries! Life without sandwiches would be quite tough to consider. However, some things about sandwiches are just wrong. Behold!

1. Removing the crusts – Awww…. diddumssss! You don’t wike duh naughty wittle cwusts? Ahhhhh! How sweet! Er, no. Grow up you petty little sods – if you remove the crust from your bread you really are a total moron.

2. White Bread – White loafs are horrible and bad for you. Really disgusting. Wholemeal, people, please remember that it’s actually quite good for you and much tastier than processed white bread.

3. Butter – No need for this. Low fat margarine or houmous.

4. Mayonnaise – No.

5. Marmite – Not a good idea.

6. Mould Mouldy bread, sir? Away with you!

3 comments

  1. Sir! You are remiss! Everyone knows that the seedy bread or rustic sourdough makes the best sandwiches. And in certain cases, (such as toasted with tuna, spring onions, mayonnaise and a particularly insolent cheese) rye is also excellent. Do not limit yourself to simple wholemeal! also, there are occasions, such as in the classic cucumber sandwich, when it is necessary both to use butter and to remove the crusts. A crusted, humoused cucumber sandwich may be delicious, but cannot be served at high tea.
    I’m with you on the Marmite. Nasty stuff. Vegemite is the only beer-barrel-scraping spread.

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    • MADAME! Merci buckets for my first blog comment. I take your comments into my brain and accept them as useful. Very useful indeed. I also invent this sandwicy in your honour: Marmite, cheese, haggis, jam, tuna, sausage (vegetarian sausage, that is), spam, corned beef, more spam, more cheese, turnips, spinach, honey, syrup, pot noodle, scrambled eggs, beans, a full English breakfast, a full roast dinner (no stuffing – healthier), bacon, stuffing (I changed my mind on the stuffing front), ham, more turnips, potatoes, mushy peas, more jam, vegemite, marmite, houmous, peanut butter, rhubarb, and wheatgerm. I call this invention – “Cheese Sandwich with additional issues.”

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