T’was John Montagu who ordered beef within two breaded baps some 250 years ago that triggered off a global love affair. He was the fourth Earl of Sandwich and his hungry belly must be praised for creating one of the best convenience foods out there. Let’s face it – we all love a good sandwich. Even the worst chef in the world can just about sling together a half decent one, and the myriad of fillings one can go for is impossibly vast. Almost as incomprehensible as the endless fathoms of space!
The first record of the sandwich emerged in 1762 in Kent. Kent is in England and is the home of upper class snobs who converse with mannerisms such as; “I say!”, “Golly gosh!”, “Do not be bloody ridiculous!”, and, “Well… I… NEVER!” We should imagine that all of these phrases were used when Mr. Montagu picked up the sandwich and stuffed it into his hungry face, as using your hands to eat back then was considered “daring”. Outstanding, sir!
Naturally such easy access to food has lead to chronic obesity problems, and sandwiches aren’t quite as healthy these days as you might expect. Salt and fat content tends to be very high indeed. Best advice? Make your bread and sandwiches! Don’t have the know how or the time? Then continue to clog your arteries! Life without sandwiches would be quite tough to consider. However, some things about sandwiches are just wrong. Behold!
1. Removing the crusts – Awww…. diddumssss! You don’t wike duh naughty wittle cwusts? Ahhhhh! How sweet! Er, no. Grow up you petty little sods – if you remove the crust from your bread you really are a total moron.
2. White Bread – White loafs are horrible and bad for you. Really disgusting. Wholemeal, people, please remember that it’s actually quite good for you and much tastier than processed white bread.
3. Butter – No need for this. Low fat margarine or houmous.
4. Mayonnaise – No.
5. Marmite – Not a good idea.
6. Mould – Mouldy bread, sir? Away with you!