How To Dance Like A Fly

Flies can hang upside off stuff. So what? So can our hamster Beans.

One of the great unknown questions most people on Earth are never asked is whether they would hike up their sockies and dance with a fly. Now whenever you see a picture of  one of these things close up in a magnifying glass they tend to look a bit like something you would have in a particularly vivid, hellish nightmare. So it’s just as well us humans are much bigger than them. They are, as a consequence, a minor nuisance that can be removed with a shoe, a rolled up newspaper, or one of those weird fly sprays. Death to the fly!

However, these disgusting things do have the ability to fly. Pretty amazing, non? Intensely stupid they may well be but they can perform this ability which human beings will never be able to do. Unless, of course, we have some pretty radical evolutionary plans over the next million years or so. ANYWAY! Want to learn how to dance like a fly? Read on, Macduff!


Your Dance Partner

Bruce warming up!

Meet the devilishy handsome Bruce. His dancing experience covers about 3 days (he’s one of the best in the business) and he’ll show you the best chops you could ever dream to have under your professional belt. However, you have to look fabulous for his dance lessons as Bruce has stated he will not partner up with any “fatties” or “uglies”.

Dance Lessons

A strict exercise regime is important when training.

“You put your left leg thing in… hang on, is that a massive cowpat I see before me?!?!?” and there goes Bruce for the next 40 minutes wallowing in excrement. Yes, these dance lessons with flies do take a fair while – often interrupted by Bruce’s need to inexplicably crawl all over a massive pile of crap. Also there’s no point in swooning over Bruce’s toned physique and handome profile as he’s gay. Hard luck, eh? However, in a perverted twist Bruce is having an affair with a Fly Swat. The depraved complexities of adult life.

Your First Dance Competition

Everyone gets a broach just for competing!

Oh my, can you feel the pressure? It’s your first Fly Dance Competition and all the flies look stunning in their flowing dresses and reeking of cowpats. Once that fabulous music it kicks in, though, you’re in the groove and you and Bruce are making some amazing shapes on the dancefloor! Hits such as, “Can’t Get You Out Of My Cowpat”, “Break On (Through To The Other Cowpat)”, “Cowpat Of Love”, “A Day In The Life Of A Cowpat”, and “Stairway To Cowpat” all go down and storm and your fancy spindly leg work set the judge’s mouths salivating!

Your First Trophy!

The 1st Prize Trophy!

Congratulations, you came 1st and, as a reward, you get to spend the evening with the handsome Bruce! You also get to take your trophy home to stick in your compost heap!

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