The Silence of the Pans

Dan the pan says, “I’m not a can.”

We watched Silence of the Lambs recently and, you know, we thought; “What else makes an almighty din which would be better off being silenced?” And then Mr. Wapojif had ANOTHER brain wave. “PANS!” he roared so very, very loudly. It was an epiphany the likes of only the world’s complete idiots can manage. Rather! “Okay… what’s wrong with pans then?” you mutter derisorily. We counter, good sir/madam, what is RIGHT with pans? “Well, a fair bit, actually!” you counter smugly, at which point Mr. Wapojif would begin to get extremely violent. For the sake of everyone’s safety it’s best to keep these intellectual debates to this here Professional Moron blog.

Yes, pans make a heck of a din. We were going to write “hell” there but we thought the general cacophony of noise you’d associate with hell doesn’t rival the assault of a successful kitchen in full flow. Clatter, bang, wallop… all you need to do, for research, is read George Orwell’s account of his time in the Parisian hotels of the ’30s to get insight here (Down and Out in Paris and London) is the book. Yes. And from our cooking experiences we can duly confirm the almighty pan is a most voluble beast. What’s the solution then? A user friendly material for pans would be welcome; wood could be less irritating, or plastic. We appreciate that it would take a bit longer to cook the food, but some good old petrol could always be used on your hob to speed things up a bit!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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