“What?”, you sneer. A “Food Splat” is the term we’ve given to an item of food (or a food product) that’s not been presented in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Take the picture on the right; Doner Kebab and Chips. Your average student eats two dozen of these a week, but here at Professional Moron we have decided to coin the phrase “Food Splat” to see if we can start some sort of insane revolution. Not a violent one as we’re pacifists, so no Russian Tsar lunacy, or French Revolution styled beheadings. No sir! We like things to be peaceful, unless of course giant genetically modified Doner Kebabs rear up and begin to slaughter us all. As Humanists we’re totally against this kind of activity and would thusly blow the Kebab Monsters to smithereens, although these newly formed sentient beings could deem this as either “belligerence” or “xenophobia”. For the record Professional Moron would like to state, very clearly, we hold no prejudice towards the vast invading Doner Kebab army. We will, however, defend our planet vigorously should war be declared. Indeed.