Confusing Confucius is Confusing

"That's Mr. Confucius to you!"
“That’s Mr. Confucius to you!”

Being confused is great as it gives you stuff to do. Some people are always pretty bewildered; chavs, tourists, donkeys. The list is almost endless. Yet there is one man who, throughout history, has been more confusing than any other human being. Ever. And we include King George III in this consideration (the one who went mad). Some statement indeed!

So just who was Confucius, and why was he so confusing? And, what sort of confusing stuff did he do? As you can see from his portrait (drawn) on the right he had weird eyebrows; are they fake or real? His hair… is it a type of wig? His dress thing… what’s up with that? As you can see he was a paradoxical sort the likes of which the world probably had never seen at the time (discounting the Roman Emperor Caligula – he was just psychotically insane). Anyway, Confucius was a teacher, editor, politician, philosopher, and Professional Confuser. This was actually a full time job back then (around 400BC), and he would gather his kids in a class and teach them about donkey droppings whilst hiding behind a mud wall. So very, very perplexing indeed. So what’s as confusing as this dude in contemporary life? We know the answer!

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There are lots of confusing stuffs about modern life. Ja. “Fast Lane” supermarket tills, for instance. Transfer “fast” with “confusing, frustrating, and bizarre” as these things are the bane of life for any shopper. Their worst habit is abruptly stopping your self-food-scanning activities for no reason whatsoever, thusly forcing some know-it-all supermarket worker to come over and point out what went wrong. Er, gee, thanks, I know what went wrong, it’s this ridiculous machine getting confused. The misanthropic sod.

Next up, check out this sign below. Behold!

Makes sense, donut it?
Makes sense, donut it?

We live in Manchester, England, right? Yes, we do. If there’s one place you don’t want to get lost in… actually, Professional Moron’s Mr. Wapojif once got lost in Beijing. Now that was confusing! So Manchester’s not as confusing as Beijing, but the complete lack of any useful signs makes getting about the place one weird experience. Take the sign above. Quirky, eh? Signs aside, if Confucius had been a part of modern life he’d hace just been another eccentric with a big beard. Those eyebrows, however, would have won him international fame and a billion hit YouTube video sensation. Indeed.

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