Pig Jnr. Will Read Your Mind

Keep your distance. He's one evil little SOB.
Keep your distance. He’s one evil little SOB.

There was, for some time, the popular belief what did go and float about pigs; they’re filthy stupid animals what done and flop about in mud and overeat. Not so, of course, stupid humans! Pigs are very social beasts and are super intelligent. For animals, that is. Don’t expect them to write any essays for you, or come up with some now quantum physics formula. Ho no. They can, however, read your mind as they are skilled in telepathy. Their legendary SQUUUUEEAAALLLlll also rates at some 115 decibels, which is two more than your average jet engine. I say!

The obesity myth holds some truth, mind, even though pigs do (apparently) like to savour their food and eat very slowly. Professional Moron’s Mr. Wapojif did some research and discovered the biggest pig to have lived (on record) was a Polish/Chinese hog called Big Bill. This fella weighed in at 2,552lbs. Apparently he was so massive his belly dragged along the floor, and his shoulder height was some 5ft. The fat bastard!

To fully establish their Super Cute status, pigs like to snuggle up at bed time and sleep nose to nose. Awwwww. And, in his book The Whole Hog, Lyall Watson wrote; “I know of no other animals [who] are more consistently curious, more willing to explore new experiences, more ready to meet the world with open mouthed enthusiasm. Pigs, I have discovered, are incurable optimists and get a big kick out of just being.” That’ll do, pig.

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