Why Tea Is The Best Drink Ever

Some bodyless arms pour some tea. Mega.

Tea is good for you, alright? Quite why some people have difficulty with this concept we can’t understand. Before we go anywhere else with this we should state that, when we write “tea”, we’re not just referring to Earl Grey, Assam, Green, White, Black tea et al, we’re also on about herbal infusions such as cinnamon, mint, dandelion (“Gasp! But that’s a weed!”), nettle (“GASP! BUT THAT WOULD KILL ME!”), Rooibos, ginger, and other such varieties. It’s a world of wonderful tastes and, shock horror, they’re all really good for you! So the builder bloke at work who said to us our nettle drink looked “disgusting”; get stuffed you, with your Sun tabloid newspaper, facial warts, and foul coffee breath! If there’s one thing we can’t stand, it’s fussy eaters/drinkers. People can be so pathetic when it comes to these things. Dunces.

Are we prejudiced against coffee? No. It’s not that we think coffee is naff (it isn’t, it’s great, but it’s not exactly good for you), or how drinking endless amounts of Coca Cola might lead to the thrill of kidney stones, but, you snow, we like tea. And why? As with every sip you’re connecting yourself (through the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s might!) to the billions of people through history who once sipped at a cup of tea. Genghis Khan will have done it. So will Marco Polo, Alexander the Great, Albert Einstein, and Bob Geldof. Don’t you want to join such luminaries? If not, you most certainly should! So where to begin? Hasten to your nearest supermarket and and purchase some fantastic, and super tasty, tea (it’s not expensive – go Organic you silly sausage). It’s also bloody good for you – so get drinking it, goddamit!

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