Exclusive Invention: The Shed Hat

Is a good shed! “And you can WEAR IT?” Oh yes, dear readers. Current price for the hats are around the £500 mark.

Professional Moron’s very own Mr. Wapojif hasn’t purchased any new clothes in around half a decade. As a result he gives off this musty reek of compost and general decay. Despite this, he considers himself something of a fashion expert, and his controversial views on Skinny Jeans have rocked the fashion world to its very foundations (here is his verbatim quote; “Skinny jeans are stupid and they are worn by idiots who wish to look like giraffes”). So, what better than to shake things back up to the highest of echelons than to invent some new clothing? Thusly we have The Shed Hat, a hat made out of recycled bits of old sheds! Not only is it environmentally friendly but it would come with an arbitrary selection of localised fauna, spiders, and bits of mud. Huzzah!

Obviously the Shed Hat will be in condensed form (we don’t expect dainty women to balance a shed on their bonce), but, naturally, each one can be fashioned into elaborate styles suiting to each person’s cranium. However, the real beauty behind the Shed Hat is the thing will have a little doorway and you’ll be able to store some items in there (much like a real shed); items such as makeup, shampoo, ear buds, cement powder, shovels, spades, and trowels can all be stored in there with a minimum-maximum of fuss. So, cue you modeling sorts doing the whole “Duck Lips” thing, staring into the distance, other enigmatic gazing, and other such narcissistic guff. Also, an added fashion shake up, handbags will be a thing of the past as you just won’t need one! SO! The Shed Hat is practical and it’ll come in handy all the thyme; imagine, for instance, if you were walking down the road and a man came rushing up to you bellowing, “Excuse me mate/luv! Me daffodil patch is in desperate need of a new batch of compost turnover! Have you got a trowel on yer!?!?!” and you’d be able to retort with, “Why yes, old bean, I have one right here in my trusty (and fashionably in vogue) Shed Hat!” Then you’d reach up and bring out the trowel, and the humble gardener would probably faint at the sheer supernatural disorder he has just witnessed. See? The Shed Hat – Glory Awaits!

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