It’s the type of expression you expect to see from the Queen of England, this one (the seagull above). Imagine Maaaaam has just received some particularly fantastical news (such as a years supply of FREE strawberry jam, which when eaten makes one instantly more intelligent, attractive, and charismatic – this would be the Queen’s expression; a grim, morose, misanthropic, stoic, vicarious, blatant, malnourished, scabrous, flirtatious non-expression of bland blandness). Not that we’re anti-monarchy here at the Professional Moron office (actually, we are anti-monarchy) but if someone delivered jam like that to us we’d be really rather chuffed. Deviating away from this concept somewhat, imagine if the Queen of England was actually this seagull. It would be a true OMG moment, fo’ sho’, and, my word, we’d need endless commas and grammatical weirdness to make it all, you know, seem, like, something beyond a fantabulous dream. Sadly, however, the Queen isn’t a seagull. But, heck, at least it isn’t a HONEY BADGER. Imagine the chaos if we had one of those thugs in order! Toodle pip!

*We apologise for the use of the masculineness in reference to the seagull. It’s not necessarily a bloke bird, but for amusement purposes we ran with this in the title.