What Does It Mean To Be A Sheep?

A sheep. No doubt wondering where he can catch the latest symphonies whilst dreaming of, one day, hitting centre stage,
A sheep. No doubt wondering where he can catch the latest symphonies whilst dreaming of, one day, hitting centre stage,

Ovis orientalis aries (sheep) get a rough time of it courtesy of other stuff. Such as humans. And wolves. Sheep, in the distant past, were famed for their choral abilities in the vast plains of the Silk Road, but Genghis Khan and his rampaging mates terrified sheep to such an extent they were left to their onomatopoeic “Baaaaaaaaaaa!” noise. So, they missed out on joining in all of the great operas of history, and instead have been left to chew their way through fields and offer up their fur as clothing items. And, you know, lamb and all that. It’s food. This is what it is to be a sheep, it would seem, but we’re sure there’s a very complex social structure behind every “baaaaa” and every blade of grass consumed. After a quick scan online for some sheep facts we can confirm their “follow the leader” attitude, which is where the derogatory term, “Like sheep!” came from, as sheeps don’t like opera. So if you like opera you’re not a sheep, but if you don’t you’re a misanthropic charlatan who deserves nothing but badly cooked potatoes for all eternity. Innit.

No, the real reason sheep exist is so aliens can abduct them under the mistaken belief they’re human beings. Why else do you think aliens haven’t bothered making contact with us over the years? They fly several billion light-years to visit us, and then it turns out we’re chronically stupid, covered in fur, and can only communicate with strange noises. Not overly inspiring, is it? Now a lot of our crackpot theories are based on no evidence and mindless rambling, but we can confirm today’s nonsense to be complete and utter fact. Git wid da thymes, blud.

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