How Neat Was Nietzsche?

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that… uh oh, I really should take the garbage out. It’s bin day tomorrow and the steak I threw away last week is going rancid now and stinking the place out.”

Very neat! By neat, incidentally, we don’t mean in the, “Yeah, he’s pretty damn cool!” kind of way, although we do think that as well. We’ve enjoyed his writing and postulations, such as his books Why I Am So Wise, and Spot The Dog. Famously he wrote, “When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” This refers to the 1989 James Cameron film The Abyss, Nietzsche’s favourite film, which had a profound effect on the great man. We can totally understand him there; Ed Harris and Michael Biehn’sย performances were totalย gut wrenchers. You know? Regardless, what we really mean with today’s post is: was Friedrich Nietzsche a tidy individual, or did he live in surroundings akin to a war zone? We’d like to think, considering he was, and were, a genius he kept his gaff in order. Neatly stacked essays and books (or “bukes”, as he used to say in his strong Mancunian accent). The chances are, as he was a man, he will be a total slob. Empty beer cans lining the floor, an unwashed bathroom with flies buzzing around in it, and a kitchen with nothing but half eaten kebabs and Pot Noodles lining the work surface.

Now some of you may think a genius wouldn’t eat Pot Noodles, or beans on toast, or pick their nose and flick the bogey at their spouse. Nietzsche, we reckon, did it all. We also bet he left the toilet seat up, and didn’t use deodorant. In short, whilst he may have been a towering genius, he was your bog standard blokey bloke who enjoyed nothing more than yelling, “The referee’s a wan… etc.” at his TV, reading FHM, and taking great pride in his enormous beer belly. This is Professional Moron’s theory, at any rate, and our book on this subject will be released in 2015. It’s called, “Nietzsche: The Letting Himself Go Years”. Available in all bad book stores from ยฃ55.01.

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